


Starting Life From Another Choice Than Zero

by Brendanjoke



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Action & Romance, Fantasy, Mystery, Other, Psychological Trauma, Thriller
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23393593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brendanjoke/pseuds/Brendanjoke
Summary: An alternate storyline where Subaru, having been rejected by Rem in episode 18, chose to fled the nation alone. Now, with no one to turn to, and a stranger in a land unfamiliar to him, He'll strive to achieve a life without peril, and hopefully, without a need to Restart.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - From Zero

"Please choose me!"

He heard his voice, the desperation in it.

"If you choose me, I'll give you all that I have!"

There he was again, begging, wanting, hoping for everything to go smoothly. It seems to be the only thing he could do at all. Weak, powerless, unable to change a single thing.

"So please...."

He stared at the concrete ground, and kept his body bending forward, his hand outstretched offering, proposing. Yet he dare not look her in the eye. At least not yet, for fear of her reaction, fear of her response, her rejection.

"Run away with me! Live with me!" He shut his eyes closed, bracing himself for the worst.

The events leading up to this. It felt like an endurance, a harsh cold run to the next checkpoint. The witch cultists, the attack on the village, Rem's vanishing act and Emilia dying in his hands. A challenge he failed to complete due not entirely to the cruelty of it, but also partly to a broken will. He had finally... given up.

"Subaru-kun..." He heard her call his name with her soft, gentle voice and instantly looked up with a hopeful expression on his face.

Her hands were clasped together, resting in the middle. The maid outfit she wore, slightly rumpled by their earlier run. Her short, blue hair covered an eye, while the other was visible by a pink string tied into a shape of a flower, parting it open. And in it he sees not happiness, not joy, nor her usual soft stare. Instead sadness replaced these emotions. The look she gave already answered his question.

"I cannot run away with you. Because, we're supposed to laugh together as we talk about the future, remember?" She said, eyes glistening with tears as she gave a sorrowful smile.

Subaru struggled to find his voice, the words making a resounding impact on him. He directed those same words to her not long ago. Though right now, it seemed ages since that day. If this were a different time, under different circumstances, maybe then he would have found the words to say to her.

"We can't.... do that anymore."

He found himself once again staring at the ground, afraid to look at her.

There was silence. The only thing audible was the dragon-drawn carriages rolling in the streets, the chirping of doves atop ancient pillars, and trying to block it out, Rem's own weeping.

"What's wrong?" She choked, a hand wiping away the tears. "Has something happened that I have not been aware of?"

He dared not peek, or even respond. As much as he wanted to tell her, to let it all out. He couldn't, not after what had happened in that forest, in another life. Instead, he kept his gaze to the floor, pretending not to hear.

"What's troubling you? Please tell me, I'll fix it. Anything that's worrying you at all, even the most trivial of problems, tell me! And I promise I'll do all I can to solve it. Anything that's got you upset, I'll get rid of it! Tell me please.... What has made you... look so sad?"

How tempted he was to shout, to scream, to tell her everything. He was on the verge of it, if he hadn't gritted his teeth and tighten his lips, he might already have. Both fist clenched tightly at his sides, fingernails threatening to break skin. He needed confirmation, so he could finally move on.

"You won't come with me?" Subaru muttered, barely audible enough to be heard.

Rem shook her head, tears continuing to fall.

"I can't do that, Subaru-kun. I simply can't."

Though he was prepared, it didn't help cushion the blow. Rem, his companion, the only one who stood by him, who saved him time and time again, rejecting him. It was too much...

"Subaru-kun!"

He ran. Down the steps and into the streets, not caring who or what he pushed out of his way. He has had enough.

"Subaru-kun wait!"

As he ran, so did Rem. Chasing him, progressively faster with each second, calling out to him till her voice grew hoarse. Through wide open roads, sidewalks and into alleyways, she persisted. Yet Subaru did not stop. Words continued to be shouted but he forced himself to be deaf to it all.

A stack of boxes came into view, his hand reached out to it and pulled it down, toppling it over with a loud crash, before sprinting around a corner.

He took a second to assess the situation and found himself out on wide open street again. Carriage after carriage filled the busy street, making it near impossible to traverse the road unscathed. He looked back, saw Rem gaining on him and ran across.

The sounds of roaring ground dragons screeching to a halt, shouting agitated drivers and the exclaiming voices of citizens scattered across the air, but he barely paid notice as he reached the other end, miraculously unharmed. He resumed, now heaving and panting. The crowd's bewilderment and shock was shifted from the chaos on the road to something soaring in the air, Subaru followed their gazes and saw Rem, leaping from rooftop to rooftop, following him from above, covering huge distances with each jump.

Subaru knew she was faster than him, more agile and strong. It was only a matter of time till she caught up to him and forced to face her once again. He didn't need that, what he needed was to leave the capital without being noticed. And to do that, he needed an obstruction, something to keep them apart.

He turned to another alley, and behind him, Rem landed with ease and continued chasing without a hint of wear. Dismayed by this, Subaru ran even faster, adrenaline surging throughout his body, but did little in helping.

Nearing the end of the alley, Rem was now only inches away from Subaru, her arm outstretched, reaching for his tracksuit. Closer, fingertips barely brushing against his back, her hand opened to grasp....

Then she was halted. Her arm reaching through the gaps of metal bars, the other rattling the gate that stopped her. Subaru pulled out the key that locked the exit of the alley and threw it on the ground, breathing hard, a madden glare in his eyes. He stepped back, looking up, and confirmed the brick wall above the gate was high enough to prevent her from jumping through.

"Don't run, please... Don't run away from me." She said, both hands now grasping the bars tightly.

He returned to her, and saw tears rolling down her cheeks, desperation plastered across her beautiful face. Guilt struck his insides but still Subaru refused to open the gate.

"I'm going, Rem. Don't follow me." He said, giving a weak attempt at an apologetic smile, his eyebrows curving upwards. "See you."

He made to turn back, but Rem's voice grew louder and more frantic, earning the attention of nearby onlookers.

"Please! Don't leave--Come! We can go back... We can see Emillia-sama if you want! I'm sure she'd want to see you as well, just don't go-please don't go! Don't go Subaru! Please! I'm begging you...."

Her words turned to stifled sobs, her hands sliding downwards across the bars as she collapsed on her knees. But Subaru wasn't there to see it, already walking away.

Past the belligerent muttering of glaring bystanders, past a waiter looking through a window in a restaurant beside the alley, past everything that stood in his way. Until he can hear her cry no more. A pang of guilt wracked through his heart once again and lifted a hand, clutching his own chest tightly, ignoring the pain of pinched skin.

"You happy now, you stupid witch?" He growled silently. "I'm giving up... You win." Then walked to wherever his feet may take him.

\-------------------  
He had time to contemplate his plan. He would move to another country, work as a laborer and save enough money to live by himself. As his education was limited, manual work was the only way he could earn a living. But for the rest of his life in this world?

"Ye called kid? Waddaya need from me?"

He looked up, rows and rows of parked carriages filled the area, a shed housing ground dragons nearby, a wooden building right beside it, the door opening wide every few minutes, yawning traders and merchants emerging from the inside, seeking the nearest inn for a much desired rest. In front of him, a muscular old man who Subaru guessed to be the manager stood to face him.

"Uh... Is there a carriage heading to Kararagi?" Subaru asked, dusting the dirt off his pants as he stood up, having sat against a fence.

The old man gave his dirt-ridden beard a scratch.

"Kararagi eh? You pick a bad time goin' there now. Nearin' evening already, likely the witch cult bargin' in than another carriage at this time. What's more, ain't been a passenger carriage headin' there in a long time nowadays."

Subaru's heart sank.

"Please... I'm desperate, Isn't there something, anything at all?"

The old man gave a sigh and turned to look around, Subaru followed his gaze.

They were beside the only entrance and exit to the capital, a high wall stretching towards the sky stood meters away from them surrounding the city and its people. Right beside them, the road leading in and out was empty of travelers.

"Alright..." Said the man. "Tell yer what. There's a trader inside the shed over there headin' fer Kararagi in a bit. Ask 'im if you can hitch a ride."

"Huh? For free?" Said Subaru, suddenly gaining newfound energy by the news.

"It's up to 'im if he's gonna charge yer or not. It ain't an official carriage so I can't just ask yer fer money. Be wary thou', trader's do anythin' for a bit more of this-" He rubbed his middle and forefinger against his thumb in a greedy fashion. "-Wouldn't be surprised if he charged ya twenty silver coins fer a ride.

Subaru nodded, a little disappointed. The old man turned back, wished him luck, and walked back into the wooden house, slamming the door shut behind him. Leaving Subaru to walk over to the shed alone and without a description on who he was supposed to be looking for.

Inside, Subaru took extra precaution to avoid stepping on both heads and tails. Loud drawling roars occasionally broke the silence, many dragons asleep, some awake, droopy-eyed, their slumber disturbed by the light that shone through the giant door that gave a loud creak when Subaru opened to get in. His eyes took time to adjust to the darkness, scanning the room for any shaped that resembled a person.

He thought he spotted something at the end of the room and made his way towards it, tip toeing along the way. Once he got closer, he could now more easily make out the silhouette of a crouching figure in the corner, picking away at what seemed to be a horseshoe.

Subaru pretended to clear his throat, an attempt to make his presence notice. But if the stranger was aware, he gave no sign indicating that he did, continuing to scrape off dirt as if having heard nothing at all.

"Umm.... I was told you could help me." Subaru said, his voice suggesting uncertainty.

The stranger stopped.

"With what?" Asked a voice a little more than a whisper.

"If it isn't a bother, is it alright if I rode with you to Kararagi? Really need to get there fast, I'm actually being chased believe it or not." He added as an afterthought, hoping the stranger could sense the urgency in his voice enough to consider helping him.

The stranger picked up another horseshoe by his side and resumed scraping, silently pondering over a decision. Or at least Subaru hoped, as he stood there continuing to gawk over awkwardly.

After a while, the stranger's lips moved again.

"What's your offer?"

"Huh?"

"What's your offer, I said." The stranger repeated.

"Oh, yeah... My offer... right... Let's see here...."

His hands covered the entirety of his tracksuit, pretending to search. Subaru had nothing to give, he'd been banking on the fact that the trader would be kind enough to have a hitchhiker on board free of charge. But before he could curse himself of his naivety, however, he felt a bump near his chest and pulled out a flip phone. Seeing it, he mentally punched himself for not having thought of it sooner.

"I offer you this metia." He proclaimed, holding it out to present it. "It's a one of a kind rarity. With the ability to capture and store any moment in time with just a click of a button. If it were sold, you'd get around twenty silver coins in one fell swoop, perhaps even more if you're lucky. What do you say? Good deal, no?"

The silence that followed brought a sense of nervousness to Subaru's mind, fearing a declination of some kind. His arm was beginning to tire stretching it out for so long as was the fake smile he had on. He pictured himself begrudgingly and tirelessly walking the grassy plain towards Kararagi, barely there before collapsing to the ground of exhaustion. This thought he did his best to stamp out of his head.

"Alright, give it here." Said the trader after an excruciating long moment that lasted eons, reaching his hand out towards Subaru, whom instantly placed it onto the open palm in front of him.

"Go wait in the carriage. First one on the left as you exit."

Subaru gladly obliged, relief coursing through the pit in his stomach.

\--------------

Inside the carriage, the smell of freshly picked appas strongly envelopes Subaru's nostrils. The dragonless carriage filled to the brim with sacks of them, leaving barely enough room for Subaru to sit down on, and even then, it was still uncomfortable.

He sat there, waiting, he got up to peek outside, seeing the sun sink lower and lower beyond the orange horizon, casting shadows over the old decrepit buildings. The streets now barren of the bustle of crowds, now replaced with the mutters of a few evening greetings and the occasional rumbling of a sole carriage.

Twice he did this, one shortly after boarding, and another half an hour later. And twice he found no sign of the trader emerging out. He was left twiddling his thumbs away, constantly tempted to bite a chunk out of a nearby appa to ease the ever growing pang in his stomach.

He gave a look of indignation towards the doors of the shed, as if thinking his irritation might telepathically compel the trader to walk out with an apology ready. But when nothing happened, he got up, pulled the ragged curtain away and was about to jump down, if not for a small fleeting glimpse out the corner of his eye of what was unmistakably a tuft of bright blue hair entering a wooden house as the door swung to close.

Subaru stared, wide-eyed and in shock. How was he found so quickly? There were in all together, four carriage outpost in the capital city, and he made sure to pick the one with the longest route. Even if she were to search through all of them, what were the chances of her picking this as the first? And so fast?

The carriage gave a creak as he stepped back in, crouching down behind a sack of appas, an eye peeking out through a small gap in between the curtains, a slit of light filtering through.

He heard the door open and held his breath. Footsteps were heard, growing louder with each step, the sound of treaded dirt kept in time with his own heartbeat which was pounding through his eardrums. The footsteps stopped, a few feet away from the carriage. Then he heard a sniff.

"Ever the sniffer huh, Rem?" Subaru whispered.

The curtains swiped open and the carriage groaned and buckled under the sudden pressure placed upon it. Shoes met the wooden floorboard with a large thud, shaking the cart slightly. Subaru sat motionless, sweat trickling down the pores of his forehead. He'd been found; feeling her penetrating gaze through the sack of appas.

"Subaru-kun..."

He didn't respond, nor did he come out, rooted to the spot.

"Why do you this to yourself?"

Her voice. There wasn't any anger or resentment in it, only sadness.

"I'm tired, Rem. I can't do it anymore... Running all around, unable to do a single thing. Forced to watch by the sidelines as everything I care for gets destroyed." Subaru replied, his hands now wrapped around his knees. "It's pathetic as hell."

"I can help you. I want to help you, if you'd only just tell me what to do... I'll do it." Rem responded, inching closer to the sack that hid Subaru.

"You've done enough. More than enough, more than I could ever pay back."

"What do you mean?" She inquired, now standing overhead the sack.

Subaru didn't respond. He felt the sack being lifted and a moment later, felt Rem standing right behind him.

"Let's go home, Subaru-kun. This is enough."

There was no more affection in her voice, becoming more stern and strict.

"No."

"I'm not leaving without you."

"Or what?" Subaru got up and turned to face her, her eyes swollen and red. "You're going to hit me on my neck and carry me back?"

Surprise flickered across her face but vanished as soon as it came.

"If it comes down to it." She said.

Subaru stared at her.

"You don't mean that." He whispered.

Rem fell silent, her eyes locking with Subaru's glare.

"I know, you know." Said Subaru after a while.

"Huh?"

"I know you didn't trust me at all when I first arrived at the mansion. Suspicious of me, weren't you? Thought of me as an enemy of some kind. Working for the witch, maybe. I bet you were planning my death the moment I stepped foot in there."

"That's not true!" Rem exclaimed, abandoning her stern act.

"Not true huh? Who's scent did you follow to get here then?" He challenged.

"I don't see the point in-"

"Who's scent?!"

He hadn't meant to shout, but it was already too late. Rem didn't deserve this, he knew that. But still he couldn't help it, and here he is now. Scowling at her, her eyes welling up with tears once again.

"I'm leaving Lugunica whether you like it or not, Rem. And I'm never coming back. Don't bother me ever again." He said, turning away from her.

Rem continued to stare at Subaru, threatening to burst into tears again, but restrained herself. Slowly, she walked backwards, perplexed and incredulous, unable to understand his capricious behavior.

"......Understood." She said, her voice quivering.

Still not looking back, Subaru felt the carriage shook again, heard the curtains parting open, and then heard nothing no more.

\-----------

"You're late." Subaru said to the head that peeked through the curtain gap, a lantern in hand.

"Must have dozed off. I apologize."

Under the light of the lantern, Subaru could see the face of a man in his late twenties, his rugged good looks was only accentuated further by his bright ocean-blue eyes. His black hair was messy and unkempt, strands of it poking out to the sides.

"Ready to go?" He asked.

Subaru crawled forward and the man moved to the side. It was night. The streets now completely desolate and lonely. Off in the distance, an owl can be heard hooting away. Buildings and houses all glowing brightly through the murky glass windows.

"Yeah... Get me out of here."

The carriage stirred to life, the rejuvenated ground dragon gave a roar of delight as it slowly build up speed.

"Two weeks." Said the trader from the driver's seat, crossing the looming gateway that lead to the outside of the capital. "We have a long journey ahead of us."

Subaru watched as the walls grew further away, shrinking in size with each passing minute. He took in the sight of the moon, shining brightly against the kingdom, the castle in the distance still visible from afar over everything else. His sight never left the castle. Appreciating the beauty of it, for the first and quite possibly the last time he'll ever be able to.

\---------------


	2. Chapter 2 - Visions of the Remorseful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Atop a carriage to a country anew, Subaru drifts to a dream of vivid detail.

Sunrise had passed since his abrupt yet inevitable departure. And not once could a good night's rest ease him on his travel. It seems whenever he closed his eyes, in that moment of absolute darkness, he could see them. Rem, Ram, Beatrice and Emilia, drifting ever so slowly, their bodies lifeless, lying in a sea of blood, their blood. Now, on this bright sunny day, a day he dreaded its arrival, the haunting image grew ever more vivid and gruesome.

Right now, as he sits here in the carriage, atop a hill. The witch cult might have already begun their assault the village. Their screams of desperation burrowed deep in Subaru's mind. He could hear it, Betelgeuse's craze derisive laughter echoing amongst the panic.

And yet, the carriage moves on, continuing as if all is right in the world, ignorant of the chaos and destruction happening whilst the ground dragon gives a heaving grunt as it clambers its way over and down the hill.

As the minutes grew longer and the slope steeper, Subaru couldn't help but grimly wonder how many villagers have been massacred in cold blood in such a short time. Did Petra have time to run? Have the villagers abandoned their homes, seeking refuge inside the mansion? Was Ram out there, possibly with a recently arrived Rem, risking their lives to keep them safe? What could Emilia be doing in all of this?

He told himself not to think about, yet did so anyway. And was so painfully wracked with guilt, he had to restrain himself twice from taking over the carriage and turning back towards Lugunica at neck breaking speed.

"You sound like you're having a real internal struggle over there. With all the grunting and growling." The trader called out from the front.

"Never mind me... Just keep driving as if you're being chased by a whale or something." Subaru replied, placing a hand on his forehead.

He had to stop thinking about it. He needed to. It was no longer something he need be concern with. It was too painful. He needed something to take his mind off it. Soon, this will all seem like a distant memory.

"Hey, is there something I should be worried about once we reach Kararagi? Anything dangerous, the witch cult perhaps?"

This question was immediately followed by a snort of disbelief.

"You're going to Kararagi and you don't even know what's there?" He asked.

"Well, I kinda did it on a whim hoping to get away from everything. Don't ask, I won't explain." He said, seeing the trader's curious expression. "Just fill me in on what's on the need-to-know basis." Subaru added, scooting backwards towards the driver's seat.

The trader stared at Subaru from the corner of his eye and appeared to be trying to assess the boy sitting on his pile of appas unknowingly, before sighing and diverting his gaze back onto the road.

"Kararagi is all about money. Trading is everything over there, you won't expect to last a week unless you got something to sell. As far as dangers go, the only thing that comes to mind is the local gangs in the area. I don't recall their names, but you'll hear about them soon enough. As for the witch cult... They're practically a myth to the people over there, as is the Jealous Witch herself."

At that, Subaru gave a huge breath of relief and for once, felt at peace for the longest time.

The rest of the day went on without so much of a whisper after that. The dragon's break, which were short in time, ended only after a quick meal of rice with some meat from one of the unopened sacks in the back, which Subaru, after much needless protest, finally humbly accepted the trader's offer to share in response to hearing a loud rumbling in his stomach to which Subaru swore was a wild goat.

Over the course of a meal, Subaru learned from Kris, as he called himself, that the sacks of appas were a gift from his uncle who so happens to own a stall in the capital, where he sells a variety of fruits to wandering customers.

Evening fell, and it felt as if they've barely made any progress at all. They've gotten past the mountainous lands that surrounded the kingdom of Lugunica, indicating that they did indeed fully leave the country. Now with the terrain leveled and no longer jagged and rough, Subaru could now hopefully have a good night's rest without knocking his head onto the floorboards every five seconds.

The smooth rocking of the carriage tempted Subaru to rest, his head resting on a makeshift pillow derived from an empty sack, eyelids growing progressively harder to remain open against the silence of the cool night sky. Only after another cool air's breeze blew through the carriage, did Subaru finally submit himself, after much resisting, to sleep. His thoughts letting lose in his subconscious state.

His memories swam back and forth. Faces, familiar and yet unfamiliar at the same time passing by in a clouded flash. Voices overlapping one another, fading in and out of audibility and then.... He was awake. The ceiling met his wide open eyes and instantly he knew where he was, having awoken to this sight too many times to count. His body felt comfortable under the cover of the warm blanket, but his heart slammed against his chest with a trepidation he only associated with the worst of situations. Confused, he sat up, staring disbelievingly at the place that held many of his past lives.

The room brought an ominous atmosphere, it's space devoid of life other than his own. The eerie silence swam with a sense of foreboding Subaru felt like no other. Yet it was bright, too bright perhaps. The glare scorched through the tall windows with a blinding white light, brighter than the sun. Squinting, Subaru got up and made his way towards the window, his body weightless and unfeeling.

As he got closer, the windows grew further. Stretching beyond the limits of what was physically possible, with the walls moving along with it. When he turned to look back, he found himself exactly where he once was. A foot away from the king size bed. Everything reverted to their original state.

"I'm dreaming." He immediately thought. "I'm dreaming, and this will all be over soon. Just wake up, all I have to do is wake up. It'll be fine."

Again and again he assured himself of this. But despite his constant self-assurance, the blatant fact was, it felt like anything but a dream. Real, yet bizarrely unreal. His thoughts and actions he was aware of, but the windows, furniture, ceiling and even the very carpet he stood on seemed very much aware of it too, disturbingly sentient. The room seemed disgusted, furious even, by his uninvited presence.

He took a step forward, this time towards the door and when nothing grew in length to stop him, he hurriedly made his way towards it, swinging it open and entered the hallway, slamming the door shut behind him.

Subaru had no idea why he was so flustered. Why he was so eager to get out of that room. All he knows is that something was watching him somewhere. Walking along the endless corridor got him only so far, also stretching further limitless yonder. Next he tried opening doors, knowing the layout of the mansion quite well know. Only to have his progress halted yet again, the doors refusing to be wrenched open even after excessive amounts of physical abuse from Subaru's leg and shoulder.

Was he doomed to wander this infinite hallway forever?

His answer came about in the form of an inky black figure, darting past him and zooming towards the end of the corridor, nearly crashing into Subaru along the way. He made to ran after this anomaly, now confounded more than ever, both by the sudden allowance to run further than ten feet and the strange figure that appeared out of nowhere.

Following its footsteps led him right onto the spiral stairway, stopping to guess whether the figure had ascended or descended a level.

"Ah screw it, even if I took the wrong one, it'll probably just keep stretching anyway."

With this thought in mind, he bolted down the staircase, jumping the last step, and entered another hallway.

"Oh no..."

It felt as if he was retracing his steps. The potted plant to the side, he recognized. The small dent on a wooden frame holding a picture of the capital was all too familiar. His pace slowed to that of a walk, and instantly found it much harder to breathe with each door that he passed by.

"I've sent a letter to Roswaal-sama. Emilia-sama, for now, evacuating the premises is your only means of surviving."

"But what about the villagers? Who will save them from those madmen?"

The door holding behind these muffled voices stood right in front of him. Emilia's room. His arm, quivering slightly, reached out towards the doorknob.

"It is already too late for them, I'm sorry to say."

A cry full of despair belonging to neither of the two voices echoed throughout the hallway, painfully reminiscent of another cry of pain Subaru heard in his time as a butler. His hand froze midway at the thought of this, hesitating to see what he may find inside.

"Shh, don't cry Petra. I promise your parents will be alright. I'm sure they are."

"We're running out of time Emilia-sama, you need to start leaving. I'll hold them off here to buy you some time."

At those words, Subaru groped the doorknob, twisted it open and shouted his discontentment with the plan, if his hand hadn't slip through and under the doorknob. Subaru touched himself and felt himself. He reached for the doorknob again, but it's as though the doorknob itself didn't seem to exist. His hand going through it once again.

"What about your sister, Ram? Don't you want to see her again? How would she feel if you were gone from her side?"

Subaru touched the door, and his hand went through that as well. He took a step forward, then another, until his entire body was through the door. And the scene in front of him was not one that was pleasing.

Three phantoms, purple in color. One bending low, both hands clasping the smallest phantom's shoulders reassuringly. The other stood, it's posture firm and straight, hands clutching each other, resting in the middle.

"She would know, understand, and accept that I gave my life to save the person we were assigned to serve and protect. Although I preferably wish to get out of this alive. I cannot, however, assure my return, so you will need to leave with haste."

The three phantoms didn't acknowledge that a fourth person had entered the room, despite said person having stepped deeper into the room, shocked and dumbfounded.

"Ram.... Emillia.... Petra."

One by one, he called their names. Hesitantly, he reached to clasped the phantom depicting Emilia on the shoulder but even that his hand went through.

"All right." Said Emilia, standing up, not taking notice of Subaru who stood right beside her. "But I want you to take Puck with you, to help you fight them off."

A fourth phantom appeared onto Emilia's outstretched hands in the form of a small cat.

"You heard what I said Puck?"

"Mmm-hmmm, fight off the witch cult to give you time to run. I got it." It said, floating towards the silhouette of Ram and landing on her shoulder. "You can count on us."

No sooner had the words left Puck's mouth, did the window at their side burst open, spraying them all with glass shards. Petra gave another scream of pain and fright. Emilia held onto her tightly, Ram got into a stance, Puck turned and gaze towards a wall.

"They're here. There's a lot of them." Subaru heard Puck say.

The sound of doors crashing open, windows shattering one by one lingered on for an excruciating while.

"Emilia-sama, in Roswaal's office, there's a hidden stairwell hidden behind one of the bookshelves. We're going to fight our way over there. Stay close."

Emilia nodded her head. One hand holding onto the hand of a petrified Petra.

"Lead the way."

The four of them exited the room, but Subaru found that he could not. His feet unresponsive and lifeless.

"Come on! What is this?!"

His gritted his teeth and willed himself to move with all his might, but to no avail.

Suddenly, the room vanished from his sight and he was plunged into darkness. The only sound that accompanied him was his own breathing and heartbeat. A creeping misty fog began to fill void of blackness, slowly manifesting itself into different things. Walls, tables, chairs, quill, carpet. It didn't take long for Subaru to realize that it was shaping into a room.

"Stop! Please! Don't hurt her! Take me instead, spare her please!"

Subaru broke into a cold sweat and felt all the air in his lungs disappear in an instant. No... He didn't want to see this.

"Spare her? Spare her? Why? A sacrifice without reason is hardly worth the listen you know?!"

A cackle of mad laughter can be heard above the sound of screams filled with anguish and terror.

Against his wishes, the purple room now displayed a dreadful scene of two purple phantoms on their knees, Emilia and Petra, in front of each other, surrounded by darker, more distinct purple phantoms, restraining the larger of the two. The shadow of Betelguese was perhaps the most darkest of all, and also the most terrifying, a hand caressing Petra's struggling face as she struggles to break free from the hands unseen to them both.

"Such a cutie, she is. Child, what's your name? Tell me won't you? Or I'll tear your ears off okay?" He said, sniffing her cheeks desirably.

"P-P-Petra....." She whimpered and broke down in tears.

"Leave her alone! Please, leave her alone!" Emilia vainly struggled against the tight grasp of the two witch cultist that held her.

Subaru was still unable to move, forced to watch the scene play out in front of him.

Betelgeuse seized his hair, pulling strands off it while shaking his head rapidly from to side to side, shouting.

"No! Oh no! We can't have this! We can't have crying! We can't have tears! No, no, no, no! This is bad!"

Again, Subaru tried to move, his heart best growing faster, his face now drenched in sweat, his eyes bloodshot from the straining.

"Move! Move! I said move damn it! Move!"

Where were Ram and Puck? Why weren't they here?

Off to the side, Emilia can still be heard pleading and begging, not for her life, but for someone else's.

"This is a time for celebration alright?! We can't have crying and moping and lamenting in such a happy time! The witch's revival is upon us! And we shall receive her love! Love! Love! Love! Imminent, wondrous love!"

His face spread into a wide malicious grin, his gaze locking onto the trembling, wailing figure of Petra.

"I know exactly how to solve this."

Petra's head snapped upwards, her eyes, still full of tears, wide open against her will, hyperventilating at the sight of Betelgeuse's twisted expression.

"You can't cry without any eyes, right?"

Then, without warning, without hesitation, without even the slightest hint of remorse, two tentacle-like hands embedded itself deep into Petra's eye sockets, forcing a huge howl of absolute anguish and pain out of her that struck Subaru's inside like a knife.

"NO! LEAVE HER ALONE!" Emilia shouted through the screaming and maddening laughter, kicking and twisting but to little effect.

The hands wriggled and twisted in her sockets, her screams growing weaker and more faint with each agonizing second. Her body, once wild and spastic under the excruciating pain, grew limp and still as the hands continued burrowing deeper into her head.

Subaru could only watch in horror as the hands gradually retuned from its descent inside her head, now silent and facing the ground, with two little spheres in between the thumb and forefinger, slowly making their way to Emilia's whimpering face.

"Aren't they just beautiful?" Asked Betelgeuse, marveling at the eyes hovering in front of Emilia, who turned to look away.

"You don't want it?" Said Betelgeuse, catching sight of Emilia's disgust. "Okay then."

The fingers squished the eyes with little effort and threw it to the side.

"Now... My witch, my love, my Satella. Look at me please."

One of the hands grasped onto Emilia's cheeks tightly and forced her head towards Betelgeuse's own, now mere inches away from each other.

"Forgive me, please. Forgive me, oh forgive me, the pain I will inflict. It will be over shortly, I assure you, I swear to you, I promise you, my dear witch."

Everything seemed to moved in slow motion as Subaru watched as a hand speared into Emilia's chest, watched as she struggled to free herself from his grasp, watched as her own body too give in to the pain, and watched as a hand pulled out, what was unmistakably, her heart.

He shouted her name as loud as he could, but no sound came from his mouth, yet he barely noticed, as he continued yelling her name at the top of his lungs, tears dropping from his eyes.

"Emilia!"

The nightmarish scene started to dematerialized, the purple phantoms fading away.

"Emilia."

The room too was beginning to erase, a small puddle of water, translucent through the room.

"Emi...lia"

The puddle of water was spreading, it seemed to be everywhere now that the room was now gone. His arms were sore and could barely moved them behind his back, feeling as if it was being stretched. His head was hanging loosely downwards for some reason.

"Hey guys! I think the idiot's waking up!"

He heard a voice a little more than an echo to him shout. Looking up through his fading blurry vision, he could make out the face of a man staring back at him, a scar running across one cheek, smiling at him mischievously.

"What's going on?" He thought to himself groggily, his head was killing him.

The face was quickly join with others, all looking down at him, some shaking their heads irritably, others staring maliciously at him.

"What's going-"

He tried to stand up, but was quickly pulled back to the ground. Looking back, he saw that his hands were tied up against an anchor that was roughly his size, leaning against a wall stained a dirty black.

What happened? Where was he? Wasn't he in a carriage heading towards Kararagi?

"What's going on here, my dear friend, is that you owe us something you oughta return." He heard the scarred face say, his voice still bouncing off the walls in an echo.

"Where am I?" He asked, and discovered that his voice too was magnified.

"The sewers of Kararagi, my friend." The man replied matter of factly.

The answer Subaru received sobered him up in an instant.

"What am I doing here? Wait, I am on my way to Kararagi... I can't be here so soon. It's only been a day."

His mouth felt dry, his throat was parched, and his head was pounding against his brain so badly. What happened?

"A day?" He heard the man chuckle amusingly and the others followed half heartedly. "Boy, it's been a month since you got here and stole my metia from my stash."

Subaru stared, his jaw wide open and in shock. What exactly was going on here?

\------------


	3. Chapter 3 - Welcome to Kararagi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waken from his nightmare, Subaru finds himself lost without memory, and confronted by an intimating man, accusing him of stealing his possession.

Lost, dazed, shocked and confused. Subaru did not know which he felt more.

All he knew was that a moment ago, just mere seconds after closing his eyes, he was behind a carriage, lying in between sacks of fruits, fleeing towards a much desired new life that awaits him in another land. Kararagi.

Now, having awoken to the provocative glares of very intimidating individuals, whom looked to have never worked an honest day in their lives, claiming that he had, beyond all logic, been here for already a month, left him staring speechless upon the sneering, contemptuous smile of a muscular, sly looking man. Wishing and half believing that he was still dreaming.

"What's with the stare, boy? Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. My metia, where'd you put it?"

Subaru's continued bewildered expression along with a stunned silence, wiped the passive-aggressive smirk off the man's face, worsening the already hostile atmosphere that permeated the area.

"You're a good actor, almost got me convinced here that you ain't had a hand in all this. But you know what they say: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... I'm not getting fooled twice."

The swelling he felt in his head had not yet subsided, the eccentricity of the situation only worsened his already aching headache, only able to stare dazedly into the man's hazel colored eyes and letting out another confused "Huh?".

But that only made to provoke the man further, bending down and clutching Subaru's shirt, who realized that he was no longer wearing his usual white, black and orange tracksuit, instead, sporting a now crumpled, bloodied and ripped tuxedo, with a bowtie hanging loosely from his neck.

"I played my fair share of games with you already. Now I just want to get my prize back. Where is my metia? Last chance." He growled, a vein bulging out the top of his forehead.

"M-Metia? What metia? I don't understand I-- What did I do?!" Subaru sputtered, panic stricken and petrified under the intense and terrifying stares of the group of people who all gathered closer around him.

"Lost and confused, going with that one, huh? You know, my boys are ransacking your place as we speak, surely you rather not have someone or something dying in your hands tonight now, do you? What say you?"

Subaru blinked rapidly, his eyes phasing between focused and unfocused, breathing turning rapid and rough, a cold icy feeling down the pit of his stomach, and having no idea why, he found himself worried about something other than his plight.

"Wait no! Please don't! I'll tell you everything!" He shouted without warning and without thinking. "Just don't touch, Don't touch-" He trailed off.

What didn't he want touched? He had no idea. But the sudden threat stirred something deep within his aching, pounding head.

"Oh-ho, what happened to having no idea, hm? I guess you finally came to your senses." He grinned, letting go of Subaru's shirt and standing up, his hands folded against his chest. "Now, my metia. Where is it?"

Once again, Subaru found himself lost for words and prayed that an answer would magically come out the top of his head, but none came. To buy time, Subaru opened his dry mouth and out came a few mutters and grunt, sweating profusely with each passing second. He watched the grin gradually fade away and twist into what was now seething fury and knew he was out of time.

"Forgotten again I see... it seems you need to think about it a little bit more. Maybe a quick bath will clear things up for you."

A loud snap resonated from his fingers and two, equally intimidating men, moved forward.

"Wait! No, wait! Where are you taking me?" He asked desperately, seeing the two men lift the anchor that he was tied to on each side.

"Oh, you know... Where the stubborn ones go to sleep. Nighty-night, Natsuki Subaru. It was a pleasure knowing you, even better forgetting you." He said, giving a wave before walking away with the rest following suit, disappearing into a door behind them.

Meanwhile, Subaru was, with must resisting, being dragged off deeper into the sewer tunnel with no means of escape.

"Guys, listen! Please, you aren't going to kill me right? Tell me please, tell me I won't die."

He turned to each side, begging desperately and pulling relentlessly to no avail. The men never uttered a word of assurance, and the rusty metal chain showed no signs of snapping.

So he was left, feet dragging across the puddled ground, his groveling and pleading echoing across the dark tunnel. The two men, silently moving him to place unknown.

Subaru knew dying meant going back, back in front of the stall in the capital, back to hearing Rem's heartbreaking cries, back to acting like the damn coward he was. Perhaps this is what he deserved for having ran away, maybe this was retribution for hurting Rem like that. And in spite of himself, Subaru gave a quiet sorrowful laugh, staring with blurred vision at the curvature of the dark tunnel.

He was going back... There was no way out.

For the rest of the journey, Subaru remained silent, resigning himself to the suffering that's in store for him. Whether the two men found his sudden submissive state suspicious or not, he did not care. All he knew was that he was going to die, and that there was no way out of it.

And sure enough, a short moment later, Subaru heard the sound of flowing water join the clinking of his chain and the grunting of the men, increasing in volume with each resounding step. They stopped and dropped the anchor onto the ground, a loud clang reverberating through the sewers as metal met solid concrete, they twisted it, so that Subaru who was on the other side of the anchor, could see what grisly fate awaited him.

An expansive circular hole, with water gushing from above met his horror struck eyes. Standing on the edge of a sheer drop into a dark abyss below, echoing the sound of splashing water.

His heartbeat grew tenfold and a lump appeared in his throat. He was going to drown.

Subaru stood, rooted to the spot, his shaking knees barely supporting his weight. He tried to breathe, a deep breath, hoping to savor the cold damp air despite the foul stench of the sewer but found even that difficult to do. He tried again, bracing himself for the worst, relishing the cold air entering his nostrils. Suddenly, he felt a rough shove from behind, his legs buckled and toppled forward under an intense weight pushing him down, he looked back, saw one of the men with his hand outstretched, then.... he was falling.

His own screams were drowned out by the cold gust of air sweeping across his face. His eyes wide open, burning from the wind, focused onto the depths below, wondering, dreading, the moment he reached the end of his fall.

With a loud splash, Subaru was plunged deep into the freezing cold water, sinking rapidly with the anchor. His vision was black, everything around him was completely void of light. He continued sinking, unaware of when he would reach the bottom. His rapidly beating heart his sole indicator of sound.

It was unbearable. Knowing his own demise relied solely upon his lung capacity. The descent placed an unbearable pressure in his ears, along with an unimaginable pain, that made his head writhe and twist from the agonizing stinging. A moment later, Subaru felt, along with the pain, fluids trickling from deep within his ear canal and instantly knew he was bleeding out of it.

A muffled clunk told him that he had reached the bottom. Now all he had to do was wait until he drowned.

It was terrifying, the anxious feeling in his stomach increased a hundredfold, which did not help his lungs that were slowly, gradually, painfully urging him to take a breath. He forced his mouth closed and did his best to ignore the growing impulse to gulp a mouthful of air.

His ears stung again, forcing his eyes to water. His brains pounded with a force of a sledgehammer, and his heart was threatening to burst out of his chest at the ever growing pressure placed upon it.

He was going to drown. He was going to die.

Then suddenly, he was reaching out. He did not remember himself twisting and flailing, his legs pushing against the anchor, trying to free himself from his binds. He just knew that he didn't want to die here, not like this. He pushed and impelled with all his might. The chains were scraping and grinding against his wrists, drawing blood. His heaving and grunting showed themselves in the form of small bubbles, floating upwards to the surface, as if taunting him, floating effortlessly into the inky blackness above. He heard a muffled crack and then felt a sudden surged of pain down his right arm. He paused.

He had dislocated his shoulder, but yet he would not give in, his lungs already exceeding past the breaking point. All the pain in his ears, his chest, his head, added into his adrenaline-induced frenzy as he resumed his relentless attempt upwards. A sharp pain pierced his lungs and instinctively, took a huge gulp, swallowing a mouthful of sewer water. He continued pulling up, the anchor clanging and slamming, mouth still open, forcing down even more water. His nostrils too were filling up, his lungs felt ready to burst open with pain, desperate for air. Between mouthfuls of water, he found himself lurching and regurgitating everything up, only to immediately swallow it all back in unwillingly, with his body still screaming for a breath of fresh air.

Subaru twisted and turned non-stop to the pain, but yet in spite of this, he kept on pushing. His mind was growing numb, but he persisted, again he lurched out more water, but pushed onwards, his shoulder blinding him with agonizing pain, but continued forth, his eyes fixed onto the darkness above him. He can't die, not here, not like this.

But then, his body grew still, the strained expression on his face began to loosen. A endless stream of bubbles flew from his wide open mouth as the life in his eyes slowly faded away. The pressure was gone, everything that has ever hurt has gone, only darkness remained to embrace his cold lifeless corpse, floating a few inches away from the anchor that held him down to the watery depths of Kararagi.

\-----------

Subaru swung his eyes wide open, gasping for air.

A white wall, with cracks sporadically placed across its length stared back at him. He was lying sideways on a rickety bed, his body resting on his right arm. He turned to face the ceiling, the mattress groaning loudly, still breathing heavily, feeling the tingling sensation of a blood-deprived arm beginning its circulation again.

"This isn't the stall." Was the thought that came first to mind.

A small familiar weight was felt on the palm of his other hand, and turned his head sideways to look at it, catching sight of the rest of the room. Light shone from a window by the side, one of its wooden flaps hanging loosely by its hinges, rotten, as was the floorboards that looked to have never been swept since its inception. A wooden door was slightly ajar right beside it. The corners of the ceiling was riddled with cobwebs with spiders, dead and alive residing above his sleeping body. The small room itself hung with an aura of abandonment, with its walls peeling apart with age, parts of it revealing brick.

"What the-?"

Subaru stared in disbelief. His shock and terror overthrown by absolute confusion, thinking his eyes were deceiving him. For the flip phone that he had given away, was parted open and laying dormant in his grasp.

He pressed the button in the middle of the keypad and the screen flickered to life. For a long while, Subaru stared at the menu, unconsciously fiddling with the directional pads, while his mind flooded itself with question after question.

Who was that man? How on earth did he forget a whole month? What metia had he stolen? Why did he have the phone? How long has he travelled back? Why did he return here, in this room he had never been to, and not at the stall in Lugunica? In fact, where was here?

He got up, realized that he was now wearing his old tracksuit, pocketed his phone, then began walking his way towards the window, the floor creaking loudly with each step and stared. The outside held no answer to his question. Puddles of water were scattered all across a grassy plain, beside it was a path of dirt trailing further off into the distance, but where it led, he did not know, for a thick forest obstructed his sight. The sky was tinged a bright orange, the sun having barely risen from the east, with an atmosphere that was damp and cold implying that it had been raining not too long ago.

"How the hell did I get here? What kind of checkpoint is this?"

Confounded that he was ever before, Subaru swung the door open and stepped outside onto the the dirt trail. He turned backwards to find an old wooden house, small and squarish in size, holding only the one room that he had slept in. It was ancient, looking as if it were about crumble down on itself at anytime. The walls stained and dirty. It was a wonder that he even fell asleep here.

"Where the hell do I go now?"

He looked left and right on both ends. The right lead further into the distance, towards the rising sun, while the left housed the forest that strongly resembled the ones by Roswaal's domain.

Subaru stood there for a long while, pondering over a decision, until a faint galloping drawing from the right broke the desolate silence that plagued the area. It took a while for Subaru to notice but when he did, instantly turned towards the source of the noise. A flash of green and silver along with a huge gust of wind and dust blurred past him. Coughing, Subaru turned left and saw a green ground dragon, a huge sack swaying violently by its side, with a figure cloaked in silver lashing the reins in their hands, urging the dragon to run faster, vanishing out of sight into the forest.

"Nice neighborhood..." He muttered, rubbing dirt off of his eyes. "Guess I should go that way then."

Turning left, Subaru began his walk to the unknown, hoping that at least, it would be a short one.

\-----------

The sun was at its highest in the sky, the glaring heat forcing a now dehydrated Subaru to take cover under the leaves of a singular tree isolated among the grass that covered the landscape.

The forest that aired a dark and menacing presence came off a little less than intimidating. Thick with greenery and other wildlife, it proved to be a very long yet very relaxing walk across it. The trees sheltering him from the sun's glare, birds singing their morning song high above the branches.

Now that he was out of it and under the intense stare of the sun, he almost wished he hadn't left at all. If not for the city he saw way off into the distance shortly after leaving the forest, he might have already. So, begrudgingly and tirelessly, Subaru continued forth, his pace slowing with each passing minute, before finally submitting himself to rest.

The shadow the tree casted was a huge breath of relief for worn down Subaru, whom instantly collapsed onto the soft grass, breathing heavily and with great effort.

"Didn't I picture myself doing this?" He grunted, turning over so that he faced the sky. "Way to jinx myself. Nice going."

Desperate as he was to reach civilization, his break was quick one, dismally standing back up to continue his journey. He was getting closer now, the small smudge he saw beyond the horizon now turned into an expansive wall, soaring high above the sky, a huge archway as an entrance, with a gate barely hidden above, its spikes protruding into visibility. He stepped in, ignoring the look of suspicion the two guards stationed outside the walls gave him.

"So... This is Kararagi?" He heaved, slowly walking deeper in, just as lost and clueless as he was when he first arrived into this world. His eyes taking in the sight of huge circular buildings, almost as tall as the wall itself, some stretching across huge distances, others connected by a walkway suspended in the air, citizens endlessly crossing on both ends. The cobblestone streets were littered with stalls, their merchants shouting out their wares of the day as the sidewalks lined up with customers by the dozens. But the thing that stood out the most, was a huge clocktower way off in the distance, taller and more visible than any other structure Subaru could see. It's long hand landed onto the twelfth number, while the short swung down to the third. Immediately, the sound of ringing filled the air, lingering on for a full minute before ceasing.

"They have... Clocks? I didn't see any at the capital." Muttered a bewildered Subaru, reaching into his suit and pulling out his phone. Turning it on, he raised it into the air, beside the face of the clock. "And the time matches up too... The hell?"

But before he could continue wondering about this strange coincidence, a voice pierced through the noises in the streets, calling him with a loud shout of "Subaru!".

Subaru stood in place, scanning the crowd for the source and spotted a familiar sight walking among them. His raven black hair, still messy and unkempt. Brown eyes spotting him, filled with both relief and worry. His face, suddenly stubbled and tired. An old traveling cloak was what he was wearing.

"K-Kris-san?" Subaru said in disbelief, pocketing the phone in an instant.

"There you are, Subaru. Really, Helen was getting worried." Kris said, reaching him, breathing a sigh of relief.

Subaru was all the sudden too wary of the small weight hidden inside his suit and did his best to try and hide the nonexistent bulge in his chest.

"H-Helen? Umm, who?" Subaru asked.

"You forgot her name? You're lucky she isn't here to hear you say that. She'd be quite upset." Kris said, sounding both surprised and hurt.

Subaru gave a nervous laugh. "Right, yeah, sorry. Hey umm, you wouldn't happen to know how long I've been here, would you?"

Kris stared, his eyebrows scrunching up.

"I thought you'd be the one keeping track of that, considering." He said, then placed a hand on his chin, deep in thought. "Hmmm, if I'm not mistaken, I'd say exactly two weeks."

"Two weeks." Subaru thought. "I don't remember those two weeks though... Or the journey here, what happened to me?"

"Anyway, it's noon now. If we go back, you might still be able to catch lunch." Said Kris, glancing at the clock and patting Subaru's shoulder, before walking away, gesturing Subaru to follow him. 

Confused, Subaru followed closed behind, doing his best to traverse the hordes of hurried crowds.

"Go back? Back where?" He asked, the old decrepit house making an appearance in his mind.

"Where else?" Kris replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "My place. Or would you rather live someplace else?"

"Wait, I'm living with you?" Subaru asked, his face turning more incredulous by the second.

"Yes. You're being chased, aren't you? You said so yourself."

"Oh... Oh yeah." Subaru muttered, faintly recalling what he had said in the shed. "All right then, lead the way." He said more confidently.

And so they walked, through the bustling, lively streets of Kararagi. Turning corners and crossing streets, more than once being separated by the copious amount of people going about their day. 

And despite having no idea how he got here, how he was missing month, to suddenly missing two weeks and the journey to Kararagi, the sudden return of his phone, drowning and that strange dream, Subaru still dared on hoping that he might in fact still be able to live a life, an uneventful and boring one at that.

\---------


	4. Chapter 4 - Starting Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realizing a month has passed since he left Lugunica, Subaru attempts to adjust to a life without worry.

"Subaru!"

A loud, high-pitched shout of absolute joy greeted a stunned Subaru standing at the doorway. Immediately followed by a rough embrace of his legs from a small little girl wearing a bright blue dress, no older than five or six; her small beady eyes set on no one but his own, a wide smile plastered cheerfully across her face.

"Oh-ho! Helen-chan! Good to see you again! Missed me?" Said Subaru, a little more cheerful than usual as he threw a look of clarification at Kris who was standing right beside him.

Kris nodded his head in approval.

"Missing you is an understatement. Helen over here was so heartbroken when you left last night." Came a voice drawing near.

Walking towards them was a woman, her brown hair tied loosely into a ponytail, a gentle face with bright eyes and a warm smile came to greet them, casting her daughter a look of amusement.

"Really, I don't know how she grew so fond of you in just two weeks."

And as if to reaffirm her mother's words, Helen tighten her hold onto Subaru's legs and nodded her head vigorously.

"What can I say? Kids love me. Not in a weird way though, don't get the wrong idea now." Subaru said, giving a short laugh as he rub the back of his head.

The woman gave a smile, then turned towards her husband.

"So where did you find our little runaway?" She asked.

"In the city. It's a miracle I even bumped into him with all the people over there nowadays." Kris replied. "He's hungry by the way." He added, upon seeing Subaru's wanting expression.

"Well, I'm pretty sure there's something I could fix up for his pleading stomach. Subaru looks ready to drop dead any second." She remarked, throwing a quick glance at Subaru. "You guys lingered on the doorway long enough, come in, come."

They stepped over the doorway and entered the house Subaru was more than eager to explore after finding out he had taken residency in one of the rooms.

In between leaving the gigantic metropolis that was the city of Kararagi, clambering back onto Kris' carriage, and embarking again onto another journey across the land, Subaru had been made aware of multiple things. He found out that he had become rather close with Kris during their time together on the road to Kararagi. Learned that he had a wife, by the name of Stephanie, a daughter named Helen , and that they all lived together in a village, a short distance away from the city, in a simple, compact, double storey home.

"Where did you go last night?" Was the first question Kris asked of him.

"Well that..." Subaru muttered, heavily debating in his head whether or not he should confess that he had no memory of the past four weeks prior to meeting him again in the city.

"Will the witch come for me again if I tell him this?" He said to himself. Then, horrified by the thought of the possible outcome, decided not to risk it. The memory of his last confession still freshly, morbidly vivid in his head.

"You said something about needing to hide that sack you were carrying around." Kris continued, watching Subaru's unreadable expression.

"Oh..." Said Subaru after a while, caught unaware by this piece of information. "Just needed to dispose of some stuff, nothing serious, don't worry about it." He made up.

Kris seemed content enough by his answer, shrugging his shoulders and diverting his attention back to the road.

So he was carrying around a sack last night.... Could it possibly be inside the aged old house he woke in?

The questions left unanswered, unspoken, kept a constant lingering presence in his head, unable to think of anything else. He recalled back to the point where everything went haywire: slumbering peacefully at the back of the carriage. What could have possibly happen there that could have made him lose his memories? He was missing a month, more than a month in fact, if he hadn't return by death. Thinking about the man in the sewer only served as a reminder that he had stolen something, or will be stealing something in the future, a metia.

Was that what was in the sack, the metia? If so, why did he steal it?

"So, how's your phone?"

Subaru sat bolt upright at the passenger seat, thinking he hadn't heard right. Blinking, he slowly turned to face Kris, giving the most innocent look he could manage and spoke.

"P-phone?"

"Your phone. The metia... Isn't that what you called it? A phone?"

"You knew I had it?" Stammered a disbelieving Subaru, pulling the device out of his tracksuit.

"Course I did. I gave it back to you, remember? I haven't seen it in a while. You usually walk around with it in hand all day long." Kris said, watching Subaru fiddle around with the buttons.

"I do? Why?" He asked, perplexed at the very eccentric actions his past self have been doing.

"I don't know, it's your metia. Really though, all this questions.... Lost your memories or something?"

Subaru's lips tighten, then began to tremble, the temptation of nodding his head, saying that one word. Slowly, he forced himself to laugh at the remark and gave a very short, very hard answer. "No".

\-------

"That was delicious, Stephanie."

Subaru sank in his chair, smacking his lips at the flavorful aftertaste of what was a satisfying lunch. The large portions in his plate reduced to mere remnants of chicken, its bones stripped clean of flesh with bits of mash potatoes left lying around. He took a large sip of juice and leaned back again, exhaling loudly.

Across from the table sat Stephanie, who was positively beaming at the sight of Subaru's contentment.

"What happened to Steph-chan? You used to call me that all the time." She said, feigning a sadness she was far from feeling.

"D-Did I?" Croaked Subaru, suppressing a burp with a fist. "Slip of a tongue, sorry bout that, won't happen again, Steph-chan." He smiled, pointing at her and emphasizing her nickname with a wink.

Stephanie smiled back in return.

"There's that grin that was missing from your face. I thought you lost it last night."

"Why's that?" Inquired Subaru, wiping his mouth with his sleeves.

"Came downstairs with a fearful look in your eyes. Very unsettling, we thought you've been found by the ones chasing you." She explained, standing up to clear his plate.

"Everything seems to revolve around what I did last night." Subaru thought as Stephanie added his plate to the pile in the basin. "Just my luck that I don't remember."

"You not going to ask what happened last night?" He queried, noticing the lack of an interrogation all throughout his meal.

"If you aren't telling me about it, then I supposed it is something you rather keep secret. Kris is the nosy one. I tend to respect other people's business." She simply said. "They'll probably be here anytime now." She added, wiping her wet hands on her apron and looking out towards the front door.

"Look, why not just tell me what they have in store for me?" Suggested Subaru.

"Nope, a surprise is a surprise. And Helen couldn't sit still in one place waiting for you to come back and show it to you. Besides, I promised her."

Subaru gave a sigh, smiling, and leaned out of his sit, craning his neck to look at the front door.

While he was eating his lunch, Kris and Helen left the house, with Helen wearing the most mischievous look on her face. When Subaru inquired an explanation for her behavior, Kris gave him a slight smile and said "You'll see." before shutting the door close behind them. They've been gone for a little more than fifteen minutes now.

"Will I flee for my life at the sight of it?" He asked.

"Nope." She assured.

"Will it possibly have any risk to my health?" He asked again.

"Hopefully not." She said.

"Will I die?" He grimaced.

"Sounds impossible." She snorted.

"You're still not gonna tell me?" He asked.

"If I did, I'd have to kill you and myself for breaking a promise to my daughter." She simply said with a smile.

"I see." Finished Subaru and said no more.

A few minutes after that, shuffling sounds were heard behind the front door, long vertical shadows filtering through the gap underneath it, before finally swinging wide open, the small scampering of feet reaching the kitchen with haste and out came Helen behind a wall, proclaiming excitedly. "We're back!"

She then turned her gleeful face towards Subaru looking ready to burst open with excitement.

"And guess who we brought along?" She shouted, not waiting for an answer. "Emilia!"

It was clear from the moment the name left her lips that this was something she expected him to be happy about, her bright eyes glowing with anticipation for his reaction. But all Subaru could manage was a slight choking noise as he spat out a sip he just took.

"Em-Emilia?" He said with a strangled whisper, turning towards Stephanie sitting across from him, as if hoping she'd say the contrary.

"Mmm-hmmm. Told you it was a good one." She said, mistaking his stunned silence for confusion rather than horror. "You kept going on about how much you wanted to see her again, so Helen and I took the time to find her for you."

"I spotted her." Said a pleased looking Helen, jumping into her mother's arms. "Dad is bringing her here right now."

"Right now?"

He gave one last look of incredulity at the mother and daughter, before fixing his eyes towards the entrance to the kitchen. Instantly finding it much harder to breath.

"Emilia's alive? How? Wasn't the village and mansion going to be attacked by the witch cult? Did she survive somehow?" Were among the rapid murmuring happening in his head.

Subaru felt a twinge of hope mix in with the array of emotion dashing through him as he waited with bated breath for a glimpse of her silver white hair, the smile he had grown so much to love, those eyes that soothed his soul appear with a shine through the hallway. The very notion of it, unbelievable yet truer than life.... Emilia was alive.

What would her reaction be, seeing him after all those weeks of silence? Angry, perhaps. Maybe a bit remorseful, especially after their last encounter... She might have blamed herself for his running away. He was about to find out...

Footsteps were nearing the kitchen, light, slow steps; the ones Emilia used to take--- Subaru stared, unblinking--- The two watching his expression with absolute glee--- shadows casted on the wooden floorboards, moving, bigger now--- any second they would appear out the wall and be standing at the doorway of the kitchen--- what should he say to her? How should he apologize?

Then, there stood Kris, greeting his family with a nod of the head and eventually meeting Subaru's piercing, befuddled eyes. He waited for a second or two.... But no Emilia... Instead, in Kris' arms, cradling with such care, was a small little clump of snow, or so Subaru thought, until the clump gently rose and sank again, breathing.

Subaru stared at it for a moment, everyone's eyes set on him. He didn't know how he was supposed to react to this. That wasn't Emilia.

"I suppose the shock left him loss for words." Giggled Stephanie. "Let him hold it."

And before Subaru could protest, he found in his arms, a warm soft sensation tingling through his sleeves. It was light, very light. Like carrying a fluff of cloud. He looked down at it. Its ears perked upwards, and rose its curious head. It's sleepy aquatic blue eyes meeting Subaru's own.

"Pet it." Whispered Helen.

With one hand, Subaru softly caress its head, its ears shook slightly, purring with delight. It gave a very squeaky 'meow', shifted itself in his arm, leaned against his chest and resumed its slumber, but not before Subaru caught a glint of gold hanging loosely around its neck. A leather collar was hidden deep amongst its furry white coat, with letters, inscribed in a coined-shape piece of painted gold, spelling out the name: "Emilia".

"Do you remember when Helen caught you muttering and crying in your sleep?" Asked Kris, smiling. "You kept calling out a name..."

"Emilia!" Piped Helen.

"And when she asked you who it was. You said it was a pet cat of yours that fell sick." Said Stephanie. "Told us that no matter what you did, you couldn't save her."

Subaru didn't know what to do or say, so kept his gaze lowered, watching it nuzzle affectionately against his chest.

"So, upon hearing that, Helen over here..." Kris turned and ruffled his daughter's head. "decided that she didn't like seeing you sad, and accompanied me to the city yesterday to pick out a kitten for you." 

"Do you like it?" Asked Helen uncertainly, taking notice of Subaru's prolonged silence.

He looked up, stared at the family across from him. Kris, standing tall beside the chair that sat Stephanie, in her lap, Helen. All awaiting his response.

"I do." He managed to let out, forcing a smile. "I'm going to owe you till I die for this one, Helen-chan. It's awesome of you to do this."

In truth, he would have much preferred the real Emilia over this one. But that was impossible.

"She's dead." He told himself. "No one could have survive that onslaught." And instantly found his heart growing heavy.

"I know! How about we all play outside in the garden with Emilia?" Suggested Helen, jumping to her feet and racing towards the backdoor.

"Hmm? Ah, sure... why not?" Said Subaru, standing up with the cat still fast asleep in his hands. "How about we wait until it's--what?"

He diverted his gaze to the kitten for one second and when he looked up again, Helen had gone, the door parted open with the hot air blowing in.

"That's Helen for you..." Sighed Kris, walking towards the door. "Almost as fanatical as a demon." 

Subaru made to exit after him, but turned back, realizing Stephanie hasn't risen out of her chair.

"You coming?" He asked.

She stood up, walking towards Subaru, her lips tightening, hands wriggling around each other timidly.

"Look..." She said, eyeing the little patch of snow in his arms. "I know this would never ever replace your Emilia. I tried to talk her out of it, tell her you wouldn't like to be reminded of your cat again, but she was just so determined to make you happy and-and try to understand she had the best of intentions presenting it to you. I understand if you're upset-I mean obviously you would be, but-but you can set it free if you don't want it, I'll just tell her it ran away in the middle of the night or it--"

"Woah, woah, woah, Steph-chan. Breathe." Interjected Subaru in the midst of her rambling. "I like it, you got it? I'm not throwing a gift from her, especially if that gift has the name 'Emilia' written on top of it. I'd rather keep it close to me and never let go, while rubbing my face against it while softly singing a song about how much I lov... Well, you get the idea."

Hearing that, Stephanie's nervous expression soften. After a deep breath, she was smiling again.

"Well... Just so you understand. If you had said 'no' right then and there, you'd be no longer welcome in my domain. Be sure to tread carefully alright? Now come, They're probably waiting for us."

The rest of the day was spent outside, under the gaze of the blistering sun. But none of them neither noticed nor cared of the scorching heat, as they ran around with strings attached to their ankles, the cat having awoken from its slumber giving chase, tripping occasionally on its small little legs. Then laughed, watching the kitten try with great effort to chase a little red ribbon Helen tied around its tail.

Subaru in particular, was enjoying himself immensely, being the one to suggest a quick game of hide and seek in the village, which took all evening, considering the vast open space of everything and due to the fact that Stephanie, being the last one left, had hidden herself in another person's residence.

By the time they've retreated back to the confines of their own home, the sun had nearly set, partly hidden beyond a road far off in the distance. Together they watched the sunset, from wooden chairs beneath the porch, with a drink in hand, talking, laughing, till their voice grew hoarse.

And in that one moment of peace and amity, in between Helen falling asleep on Kris's lap who also dozed off and wishing goodnight to Stephanie as she half pulled, half dragged them up to bed, Subaru felt, as the stars painted the night sky, all his worries and all the tension he carried with him from Lugunica vanish away, along with his energy, playing with the family all day. Maybe he really could start a life here... with them.

"Supposed its time for a shut-eye." Said Subaru, stifling a yawn behind a clasped hand.

Getting up, he gently picked Emilia up from an armchair and entered the house, treading lightly up the stairs so as to not wake the others.

"The room at the furthest end of the corner, they said." He muttered, reaching the second floor and scanning for the door to his room.

"That must be it."

Walking, humming happily to himself, ready to embrace the comforts of his bedroom, he twisted the door opened. He stared, for the longest time possible, and stopped humming.

At first, he thought he must have entered the wrong room, then realized it'd be impossible for this room to even exist here, the scale of it larger than that of the very house he's currently residing. Bookshelves after bookshelves lining along the hard granite checker-patterned floor, occupying every inch of space possible. A dim light shining dully from an unknown source.

This was all too familiar...

In the middle of this recognizable view, sat a young girl with a frilly dress. Her creamy colored hair tied elegantly into two curls, falling along with the length of her small figure stopping only at her waist. Her eyes, which bore distinct looking pupils, gazing ever so inattentively at a book laid open on her lap.

"B-Beatrice?" Sputtered Subaru in a high-pitched voice that surely wasn't his.

Without even looking up, with a voice that lacked all enthusiasm, she spoke.

"Finally, I was getting tired of waiting for you, I suppose."

"What are you--Why am I--How are you alive?" Subaru asked incredulously, stepping deeper into the library of Roswaal's mansion, his hands falling to the side, Emilia landing on the floor, scampering off behind a bookcase.

Beatrice gave a snort, closing her book shut.

"What kind of question is that, I suppose?" She said. "Never mind, did you bring the.... Where's all the stuff?"

Her eyes scanned Subaru's stunted figure, before finally allowing herself the conclusion that he had not brought anything with him.

"I cannot believe this." She fumed. "You're even more unreliable than I thought, don't you have any brains?"

Subaru also couldn't believe this. Here he was, back in Roswaal's mansion through a door in a country that was miles and miles away from here, being chided off by Beatrice for some unknown reason. Everything felt like a dream, maybe he was already sleeping.

"Fool... Do you not want to go back, I suppose?" She asked, scowling.

"Go... Go back?" Subaru managed to utter. "Back? Back to the mansion? No... I-I can't... Not after... Not after..." He stopped short, the thought too horrifying to speak out.

Meanwhile Beatrice gave a look, apparently bemused by his behavior.

"I should rephrase that, I suppose." She muttered, then stared at Subaru dead in the eye. "Do you not want to go back to your own world?"


	5. Chapter - 5 Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Subaru discovers he has contacted Beatrice for aid in returning back to his own world.

"What?"

Perhaps it was the downright bizarreness of this unexpected encounter, or maybe it was because a small part of him still was under the more believable impression that it all could just be a dream, he had no idea. All he knew, was that he felt a sudden urge to laugh upon hearing Beatrice's words.

"Go back to my own world?" He said, half exasperated half amused. "What kind of weird plot from a storybook is that?"

He couldn't help himself, he chuckled.

The shock of finding himself back in the place he tried his absolute hardest to let go had subsided. All he can do now was laugh at the absurdity of the whole thing. Yet even now, as he continued giggling away like a damned lunatic, he found himself wanting. He never really considered going back, never spared a thought about his old life. All he ever did was move on, start anew in this fantasy world, and when that didn't work, he just moved on again.

Thinking about it now, he felt a longing to do so, to go back. This world has already showed him enough to last him a lifetime, in his case, multiple lifetimes, he has had enough of it.

"I want to go back." He muttered, his laughter slowing to a halt.

"I know you do." Said Beatrice, who was quiet all throughout his contemplation. "Why else would you have come to me, I suppose?"

Question after question lined themselves up at the tip of his tongue, but the one that came out first was, "What did I do with you?".

"You're not making much sense, I suppose." She snapped. "Do you mind explaining why you're lacking in items?"

Again he found himself in the same position he was with Kris. Can he risk telling her about his amnesia? Would the witch come after him if he uttered anything to her?

"Beatrice..." He said slowly, bracing himself. "I... lost my memories. I have no idea what has happened for the past four weeks. I have no idea what's going on, or what I've done."

The speed of which the words left his mouth was rapid, quick enough that it was over within moments. His eyes were shut tight, fists clenched beside him... But nothing happened, the witch hadn't silenced him .

There was silence. Staring at each other. And then...

"Well, that would complicate things, I suppose." Beatrice said unperturbed. "Honestly, almost nothing goes right with you."

Subaru was still basking in the pleasant shock of being able to speak to respond, but still managed a look that displayed his confusion.

"You'll want to know what's going on, I suppose?" Beatrice asked, placing the big book on the table beside her.

"Yes, everything. I want to know..." Suddenly, he thought of something. "Emilia! Ram! Rem! A-Are they alive? Are they here?"

Beatrice opened her mouth to respond, but stopped suddenly, and looked over Subaru's shoulder, her eyebrows furrowed.

Following her gaze, Subaru turned back and saw that a mahoganized set of double wooden doors had replaced the simple door he had entered from.

"Someone's coming." Beatrice whispered.

"Huh?"

A second later, the handle sank downwards and the doors swung wide open. At the same time, Subaru felt a cold tingling sensation flowing down his entire body, and turning back towards Beatrice, found her with her hand outstretched towards him before lowering it hastily.

"What do I owe this late night visit, I suppose?" She asked the figure at the doorway.

A soft soothing voice came to answer.

"Forgive me, Beatrice-sama. I just came to inquire if you've located Subaru-kun yet... Have you?"

Even before turning around again, Subaru instantly knew who it was that stood at the doorway. And sure enough, there walked Rem. Seeing her safe and sound and most of all, alive, Subaru could have leaped for joy and shouted out loud, but didn't. Something was off about her, the way she carried herself towards them. Lifeless and lethargic. No longer with the elegance and gracefulness he was so accustomed to seeing her with, and she seemed to be giving off an air of absolute misery.

And he knew why... But a more demanded answer was needed for the question that was blaring loudly in his head. Why is Rem alive?

Subaru made to call for her, but a sudden loud cough brought his attention back to Beatrice, who had her fist clenched tightly around her mouth and staring at him from the corner of her eye. He understood, and kept his mouth shut.

"Excuse me, it's a little dusty here, I suppose." She said, taking her warning eyes off Subaru and onto Rem. "You want to know if there have been any progress?"

Rem gave a single nod.

"I hope you'd excuse my impatience. But I do hope that after all this time, you'd have come across a sign of him... anything... that tells us he's there.

It was a strange feeling. Rem asking Beatrice of his whereabouts, when he was standing right beside her. He tempt himself to reach for her shoulder, his arm raising slightly, but ultimately decided against it. There had to be a reason why Beatrice had made his presence unnoticeable. So with his lips tightened, his hands placed firmly by his side, he watched on.

"Unfortunate to say, Kararagi is a rather vast country. It's size can easily hide anyone seeking to disappear. It's no surprise I haven't found him yet, I suppose. Are you certain he's even there?"

"He is... I'm more than sure of it. He told me himself." She insisted, her eyes glinting with a hint of annoyance. "Please tell me that you have at least found a trail."

"No."

Rem was looking more crestfallen by the second, and Beatrice seemed to have notice this as well, because she added saying, "Giving up now would be wise. Remaining optimistic beyond this point would simply be surpassing the boundaries of foolishness, I suppose."

At those words, Rem caught herself and straightened her demeanor. Her expression suggesting anger, her nostrils flaring with irritation. But when she spoke again, her voice was calm and passive, perhaps slightly uptight, nonetheless still with the proper etiquette of a maid.

"This task was asked of you by Roswaal-sama under the request of Emilia-sama. I highly doubt Emilia-sama would readily heed and accept your, quite honestly, unneeded advice. Continue searching... I'm sure Emilia-sama would want that."

Emilia requested to search for him? Then she's alive as well? How was this possible?

Subaru's stomach was cartwheeling inside of him at these overload of revelations. It took every fiber in his body to stifle all of his gasps of surprise and to not shout out his absolute bewilderment. Was Ram alive too? Is the village and all of its residents still standing tall and unharmed? Unconsciously, Subaru directed all of his silenced inquires towards Rem, as if thinking she'd answer them all at once.

"Yet why is it, that you are the one that only ask for updates? If the half-elf really wanted me to find him, why isn't she here to ask me, instead of you, I suppose?" Said Beatrice.

"You are well aware yourself that Emilia-sama has been attending to the royal selection, stating the reason for her absence at a meeting." Said Rem, impatiently.

"A meeting she would have been present to, if not for the dreadful news that you came back with, I suppose."

"Which is further proof that Emilia-sama does want to find him. If she isn't concerned of Subaru-kun's well being, then why did she skip an important event to look for Subaru-kun herself?" She challenged, neglecting to uphold her mannerisms.

"So you are solely asking on her behalf then? Is that why every single day without fail, you would open every door in the mansion to look for me, no matter how obscure I made the location, just for the half-elf's sake?" She scoffed, disbelievingly. "If so, you're a very dedicated housemaid, I suppose. And for that, I applaud you."

There was a long silence that hung in the air, one that Subaru thought would last forever. It gave him time to think, time to feel. A wave of different emotions struck him as the conversation went on, the one that always remained and perhaps the strongest of them all, was guilt. Suddenly, he felt that he did not want to talk to Rem anymore, ashamed of himself.

Rem was the one who broke the tense silence.

"Where are you going with this?" She asked, her face mixed with both anger and confusion.

"Do you care about finding him? Are you yourself wanting for his return?"

Rem's answer was almost instantaneous.

"Of course I do! There has not been a single day where I did not blame myself for Subaru-kun's leaving. A day where this aching in my heart ceased, if only for a while. Do you think it does not bother me, knowing that I could have stopped him? Why is it do you think that I personally have let you absorbed my mana in tremendous amount to have you continue looking for Subaru-kun each and every day? I want to find him... I want Subaru-kun back..."

Another long silent followed, in which the gnawing of guilt Subaru felt increased to a tenfold. He did not deserve this much concern over him. He did not deserve Emilia's concern nor Rem's concern, and he especially did not deserve to return back here after what he has done to them.

He wanted to reach for her, tell her how sorry he was, but he couldn't. He had no right to feel sorry. Again, Subaru felt a great wave of shame and averted his gaze downwards. Seeing her on the verge of tears again hurt too much.

On the other hand, Beatrice stared, unfazed, uncaring. Only giving a mere sigh before speaking once again.

"Then I must ask, I suppose. Why did you let him go?"

The look in which Rem gave would have been enough to send a chill up anyone's spine. Staring daggers, with her hands trembling in restrained rage. For a second, Subaru thought she might attack Beatrice and was about to intervene until Rem spoke again in a voice that was a little more than a whisper.

"I don't know..."

Her tone was that of longing, Subaru could feel the sadness in her words, the loneliness.

"Very well." Beatrice said after a while. "You've asked what you came to ask. I will continue searching, be at ease on that front. You may go now, I suppose."

"Thank you." She muttered, perhaps slightly mutinously.

Her head was casted downwards as she turned back and walked, silent in her sullen and depressive pace. It pained to see her like that. Subaru was again tempted to call out for her, tell her he's right there, just so he could see a surprised, overjoyed expression on her face.

He thinks this as he watch her go, his spirits deteriorating with each dejected step she took closer and closer to the double doors.

Meow

Rem abruptly stopped in her tracks, Subaru's eyes widened in surprise and Beatrice pursed her lips with the most frustrated look upon her face.

"You just had to bring a stupid cat with you, I suppose?" Beatrice whispered furiously, staring daggers at a speechless and confounded Subaru.

"It isn't like I expected to be back here, okay? This isn't my fault and you didn't say anything when you first saw her. Also, don't call her stupid." He hissed back.

To the side, appearing slowly behind a bookcase, Emilia took a curious step towards Rem. Its blue eyes met Rem's own as it took another cautious step towards her, sniffing the air tentatively. Rem continued to stand where she stood, eyes fixated upon the feline, apparently caught off guard by its presence.

Once it neared her, it began to softly brush itself against her, meowing and purring with delight, having taken a liking to the blue haired maid. Rem blinked, her eyebrows scrunched up, apparently at lost at a reaction. Slowly, she bent forward and picked up the white fluff, cradling it in her arms, and for a moment, only for a moment, Subaru caught a small smile on her face as she stroke the cat's belly with one finger before quickly vanishing, catching sight of a bright glint at its neck.

Her mouth hung slightly agape, turning back towards Beatrice with her eyes, shining with confusion or maybe it was hope? Subaru only knew she had one final question to ask.

"Beatrice-sama..." She began slowly. "Where did this come from?"

"Must have wandered in from one of the doors I conjured up, I suppose." She quickly made up on the spot. "Even I was not aware of it being here. I'll sent it back at once."

"Send me with it!" Rem suddenly said and for once, surprise flicked across the apathetic face of Beatrice.

"For whatever reason? You don't possibly think you'll find the boy from a mere animal, do you?"

"Look at its collar. It's name is Emilia! The owner chose that name, and I think that maybe-"

"You think that maybe it belongs to Subaru?" Beatrice interrupted.

Rem nodded her, looking more lively and confident than ever before. "Yes, it's worth a try."

"Don't make me laugh. That's the most far fetched conclusion I've ever heard. I highly doubt the boy would even want to remember any of us if he ran away so suddenly, so why would he name a cat after someone he was besotted over? Besides, I don't even know which door it came from, so I doubt I'd even send you to the right one, I suppose."

But Rem was no longer listening to reason, further insisting that she be sent forward to a door, any door. Leaving Beatrice to come up with many excuses as she can to further deny her the chance. Until finally, on the brink of snapping, Beatrice placed her foot down.

"Listen to yourself, I suppose! You are willing to disobey a direct order from your Master, who specifically told you not to leave the premises until that half-elf was done with her business in the Capital, just to chase after a boy who wants nothing to do with you!"

"If it's Subaru-kun, any order is worth disobeying! I rued the day I let him leave, I'm not making the same mistake twice and letting this chance go. Send me!" She shouted back, Emilia cowering in fear in her arms.

"We don't even know if it belongs to him! If I send you now, I'd lose the connection we have and I wouldn't have enough mana to bring you back. Don't you see it is better if you just wait a little longer-- No wait, listen to me, do not speak! Wait a fortnight longer, I will find him and reunite him with you. If I don't by then, I promise you, I will send you to Kararagi where you can look for him and I will do so gladly, no questions asked! For now... Let me rest." Finished Beatrice, heaving a great tired sigh. "Bickering with you has usurped my energy, I suppose."

Rem appeared to be mulling over her words, conflicted between the choices presented to her. Till finally, her expression began to loosen, no longer tainted with agitation, reverting back to her usual look and when she spoke, her words had a tone of finality to them.

"A fortnight. If you fail, you will send me to Kararagi." She said, then turned back, walking towards the door. "I ask that you do not speak of this matter to my sister. I doubt she would approve of my decision."

"Yes, yes, before you do go, I ask that you leave the kitten here. If not, I believe its owner would be very distraught by its sudden disappearance, I suppose."

Gently, Rem laid Emilia onto the floor, patting it once on the head, before reaching the door and closing it shut behind her.

At once, Beatrice let out a great big sigh of relief, slumping lazily in her chair and closing her eyes.

"Honestly, the things that are asked of me. I doubt they even appreciate them, I suppose." She then opened one eye and focused it on the slouched figure to the side that was Subaru. "I pray that you caught every bit of information you can from our little chat."

"Emilia asked you to search for me, she's now at the capital, everyone's alive, no one has been attacked..." Subaru said quietly, still rather dumbfounded and incredulous by the amount of dedication Rem has towards him. "But I don't understand... You found me already, why hide that fact?"

"You asked me too, I suppose." She said, yawning. Then catching sight of Subaru's face, gave another sigh. "Better sit down. This is going to be a long tale, I suppose."

And a long tale it was. Apparently, a week after settling in Kararagi, Beatrice happened to stumble upon the exact door of his residence, ready to report her findings to Rem, but Subaru begged her not to, claiming that he couldn't face them, ashamed of his running away and in the midst of his rambling, started pleading for her help.

"Help in what exactly?" Subaru asked at this point.

"You confessed that you are not of this world." Beatrice explained.

In that one week, Subaru, for some reason, became fixated in returning to his own world, enough so to tell Beatrice of his origin and asked if there was a way to send him back. And apparently, there was. Kararagi was the key to this.

"As it so happens, Kararagi is a land that was rumored to be a gateway to an entirely different world. A land of ancient magic. Over the years, many discoveries were made that further advanced the country. The term 'Metia' was coined to label this discoveries, and since then, many more have been found. Yet no one knows where they originate, all that was understood, was that they did not belong to this world."

Subaru recalled the clock tower in the city and wondered whether that too was based off a Metia.

"Some suspect it may have come from another world, but most believe it to be ancient magic from a long lost civilization that lived hundreds of years before. Both are in fact true in their claims, but no one could differentiate between the two and so both are known as metia. Yours is an example of a metia, though I may say, its design surpasses that of any known other world metia discovered so far."

"What does this have to do with sending me back?" Subaru asked.

"I'm getting to that. Stop interrupting me, I suppose." She snapped impatiently. "Kararagi is the land where the most metia are discovered. Meaning to say, that if a gateway does exist, it is hidden somewhere in Kararagi. I can open it and send you back. But-" She added, seeing Subaru's face light up. "I'll be needing a few things. First, the location. Second, five more metia originating from your land of... What was it, Japan? Both of these were your task to accomplish. But since you've lost your memories, you have yet to make progress, I suppose."

"Sorry about that..."

"When we first discussed this, you claimed that you might have already found the location of this gateway. But now it seems you are going to have to find it all over again, I suppose."

"Why do you need the metia though?" Asked Subaru, unconsciously touching his own.

"I need them to pinpoint the exact location of your own world, strengthen the connection to yours, even if they do not have a hint of magic in them, they'll still prove infallible when the time comes."

As he sat there taking this all in, Subaru couldn't help but think. That sack he was supposedly carrying off somewhere last night, the man in the sewer claiming he had stolen his metia... It seemed he had already collected them, but why did he disposed of them? And... Could they possibly be in the house he awoke in?

"Now, thanks to a promise to a rather tenacious maid, we have two weeks before I am forced to send her to you. I regret not having worded it differently, if I had, then I could have just send her to someplace random, I suppose. Even if it's somewhere else in Kararagi, I have no doubt in my mind that she will find you."

She got up from her chair and walked towards the double door, her hand outstretched towards it. The door shifted and twisted in size, shrinking, reforming, until it reverted to the same simple, wooden door he had entered from.

"I will find you in a week. By then, I expect you to have found the location and the metia." She said.

"Right..." Getting up, Subaru gently picked up Emilia who had been resting by his side and made his way towards the door, opening it, revealing the dark hallway of the second floor in Kris's house. He turned back once, glimpsing upon the library for one last time before stepping through the threshold that separated two entirely different places.

"One last thing." Beatrice called out through the doorway. "I believe your metia holds some sort of clue to the location. It wouldn't hurt to check it, I suppose."

"What do you-" Subaru looked back, only to find the door already closed shut. All implications of any strange encounters vanished away along with the library. The sole indication that he had not dreamt it all being Emilia struggling to free itself from his grasp, which he gladly let loose, and his own waking consciousness, still staring idly at the blank wall.

A chant was forming in his head, like a song of sorts, repeating in a loop. Location, Metia, Home, Location, Metia, Home, Location, Metia, Home.

Mixing in with the voices echoing loudly, as if a muffled, dying speaker was attached to his shoulder.

-"Do you think it does not bother me, knowing that I could have stopped him?"

-"I want him back... I want Subaru-kun back."

-"If it's Subaru-kun, any order is worth disobeying!"

While his mind continue to barrage itself with question after question after question.

Why didn't the witch cult attack? How did I lose my memories? Can I really go back? What did Beatrice mean by that?

Wanting an answer to at least one of his questions, Subaru flipped open his phone, the screen flickering to life and began skimping through the menu for something, anything that can explain everything.

His contacts, music, ringtones, notes, games, gallery and finally, in his messages archives, he received an answer.

It felt like his heart took a deep plunge into his stomach, which too felt as if it was twisting in its own way. He stared at the bright glow of the LCD screen, motionless, breathless. In it, contained voicemails he personally knew had never been there before he came to this world. And all of them were from the same two prominent figures in his contact list. His Mom and Dad.

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	6. Chapter 6 - Repercussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the dead of the night, alone in his room, Subaru plays back voice messages from his parents.

Ludicrous... Absolutely ludicrous.

And it was. Very much so. Yet also, very real.

One after the other, an appalling discovery after the next. All within the period of a single moonlit sky. Maddening can only stretch so far until it reaches the peak of absolute insanity. A roller coaster of revelations, one that he couldn't seem to disembark, no matter how colossal his yearning may be to do so.

His eyes stung, watering with irritation, and only managed to tear away his gaze long enough to wipe them away with his sleeve, simply just to stare again. Hypnotized, by the luminous glow in his hand. Captivated, by the contents displayed inside of a small rectangular screen. The dark hallway adding to the ominous, unnerving atmosphere that suddenly befell upon the small cozy home of a generous family.

Rigid, paralyzed; disturbingly reminiscent of the numbing, terrifying sensation that was being frozen. His thumb felt stiff, tapping the downwards keypad, scrolling down the seemingly endless list of missed messages and voicemails, each one tightening the already straining knot that somehow had manifested itself inside his chest.

"How is this possible?" Subaru heard himself say.

Ever since he had awoken inside of that sewer, he found himself reiterating the same question over and over again, never seeming to find an answer in most cases. But unlike the rest of them, this question was one, he didn't feel like finding out the answer to straightaway.

Once the shock had subsided, all that was left was the overpowering curiosity. He had reached the oldest-newest message in his inbox, thumb resting on the button encased inside the directional pads. It was from his dad. A distinct image of a man in his early forties, embrued itself in his mind's eye, clinging itself into his subconscious with the intent of never letting go. Latching onto him, like a parasite meaning only to do harm.

With the appearance of the man came the details that segregated him from the lineaments of many other noticeable individuals he had crossed paths with in his life. From the short black hair that resembled very much Subaru, to his facial appearance. Chiseled and unlined, rugged and handsome in texture, playing well the part of a much aged Subaru, except bearing glasses that highlighted his black fearless eyes, along with a sculpted, very well-built physique that earned him email addresses in abundance from giggling herds of hopeful high school girls. Culminating together, to embody the form of a ferocious lion, despite his lax and mostly playful, offhand attitude.

Subaru was still staring, looking at it, as he never had before. All this time... How long had he had these messages for? And, Does he dare lend an ear to the voices he resolved, long after he came to this world, never to revive again in his thoughts?

The answer came to him in a heartbeat, as if purely on instinct. He took a step backwards, slamming against the door, his free hand, hastily grasping air multiple times before grabbing hold of the doorknob, twisting it open, entering, and closing it shut.

As he stepped into the room, he only had time to give it a quick glance through before reverting his undivided attention back onto the phone. In that hurried peek he saw, a small modest space, furnished by a small unmade bed occupying an area in the middle. A bedside table with a book laid sprawled open right beside it. At the other end of the room was a leaded window, squarish and short in size, masked by curtains hanging lifelessly above it, except for a small slit in the middle that allowed a hint of moonlight to filter through, shimmering dust particles swaying slowly in the shine.

Still gazing attentively at his phone, Subaru scampered his way onto the bed, neglecting to remove his sneakers as he laid his feet against the footboard. He sat upright, inclined, his head resting on the headboard.

For a long while, he was motionless, though his thumb urged itself downwards every few seconds, the voicemail remain yet to be opened. Truth be told, he was afraid... listening to this means to acknowledge his disappearance from their lives. And there we so many... so many missed messages, missed words. How long did they looked, he wondered, till they finally gave up on him? Until they finally realized that the void in their lives will always remain empty? And what words did they have for him, after failing to come home from a quick trip into a convenience store?

Only one way to find out...

Slowly, he applied a small bit of pressure on the button, and felt a tiny exerted click around the skin of his thumbs. A moment later, with his breath kept inhaled, a voice sounded, sourcing from the tiny little speaker built into the device, blaring a tone that was unconcerned, loud and cheerful, assailing the quietness of the night that was so well preserved, saying,

"Subaru? You there? Well, you ain't answering your phone so I guess not. Anyways, I just called cause It's time you got a lecturing, boy. How many times do I have to tell you to inform us if you're staying out? Wait... you don't go out anyway... But even so! You still have to tell us when you do! We'll celebrate and everything! Honestly, your mother came back with beef y'know? It's your loss your missing out on the beef steak, I'm eating your share and you can't-- Ow! Okay! Fine... Your mother said your share is in the fridge, heat it up when you come back. Oh yeah, be sure to text me when you're coming back, can't really train without a wrestling buddy."

It was a while before Subaru realized the message had ended. He felt strange in a way... Something as normal as a voicemail felt more alien to him than something as unreal as ground dragons, magic, demons and mabeasts. Yet at the same time it felt so familiar, like riding a bike after a few years of not doing so.

Unsettled, Subaru clicked upwards and selected the next voicemail. This time a soft spoken feminine voice came to gently greet the silent ambiance, emanating a manner that implied worry and great distress, saying,

"Hello? Subaru? If you get this, please call me back as soon as possible. It's been two days already, what's keeping you? I tried calling your school and they said you were absent today and yesterday. No note, no text... I know your Dad said not to worry, you're probably with a friend, or your battery is dead or you have no signal, or maybe something else... But the thing is, I do worry. That's what mothers are made to do, and when we came back and you weren't home, I panicked because you're always home and so I...-"

The voice kept going on and on, voicing its concern and paranoia in great detail. A small snort of amusement came out of Subaru and a smile, one of joy or sorrow, he didn't know, formed on his face.

A scene illustrating a women pacing up and down a corridor with a phone affixed to one ear, started playing out in his head. If his dad was a mighty lion, then his mother was a lone wolf. Her oval-shaped face, that bore the infamous "evil gaze" that he had acquired, now forming an expression void of any form malice and instead filled with apprehension. One hand nervously twirling her coffee-colored hair, tied into a ponytail that rested on her shoulder. The yellow apron she donned outside of her clothes, covering her slender figure, stained from cooking.

Once again, Subaru smiled at the thought of this, but at the same time, a heavy burden weighted heavily in his heart, a huge rush of emotion came crashing down on him, like a tsunami slamming into a building, and his eyes started to glisten under the luminescence of the moon. It wasn't long before his face began to burn as the message reaches its conclusion.

"-Anyway, I just want you to know that I love you, alright? Be safe, don't get into trouble and come home soon, okay? And remember to call me back. Bye."

Selecting and reading the immeasurable amount of text messages proved difficult to do so under his blurred, watery vision. Messages like:

-Where are you? Please come home soon.

-We talked to the police... Did you run away? Please answer us.

-A missing person report was filed. Tell us you aren't dead, please.

Only added further into the bitterness he felt. He let the tears fall, damping his shirt, not bothering to wipe the trails of water away from his cheeks. Something inside of him was howling, a voice, lamenting the despair he felt, the sadness. He reached another voicemail, and played it.

It was from his Dad. This time however, his voice no longer carried itself with the confidence and liveliness it did before, instead it was hollow, quiet, disbelieving in a way, as if the notion of his son being missing hadn't really struck in quite yet.

"The police told us to keep in touch with you, just in case you respond. Heh, I was going to do so anyway even if they didn't tell me that. I contacted the neighborhood, your mom spoke to the school... hopefully they'll be able to find you, even if you are..... Well, I'm going to be frank with you Subaru. It's hard living without you. Your mom and I... Did we? I mean--have we? I mean maybe we did something. We don't know why you would just up and leave and so I thought... Did we do something to upset you? Ah man, I'm not good with this--but if we have done something, we're sorry alright? If you tell us what it is, we won't do it again, I swear.... Anyway, I have to attend to your mother, been crying her eyes out for the past two weeks now. I try to keep the mood up, but it's hard. You know how she is... everything is always about you to her. Please call back."

Guilt. Subaru finally realized the reason for the aching he felt, what emotion was harboring deep beneath the misery and heartache that threatened to tear him apart from the inside. It was guilt. How could he just nonchalantly decide to forget about his old life? What right did he have to start over anew, while his parents mourn and mope over their missing child?

He was disgusted with himself. All the times he had been enjoyed himself in this world, his parents were suffering in theirs. He was angry, he was furious and he was enraged. A huge part of him wanted to instill pain onto himself, fling himself out the window, beat himself to a pulp, or even stab his arms, anything he could think of to punish himself for his ignorance. But he restrained, barely, his eyes continuing to leak warm bitter tears, as he clenched his teeth up in agony.

"D-Damn... it..." He whimpered, unable to think of anything else to express his sorrow. "Damn it... Damn it... Damn it... Damn it... Damn it... Damn it!"

He wanted to scream, he wanted to shout, he wanted to rip away these emotions he felt, it was as if a raging fire had ignited itself inside him, uncontrollable, inextinguishable. Burning away his insides like paper.

A feeling that intensified further, upon reluctantly continuing his venture across missed calls and messages.

"I caught your mom yesterday.... looking through the photo album. Funny, I never really noticed how much you look just like her. Her brown eyes, her nose... heh, you even glare like her sometimes in the photos. Anyway, she took some pictures of you out and placed them beside the bed... to keep close. Y'know... It's hard. Hearing her cry herself to sleep, clutching your photos. I... I can't do anything about that... I can't help her. Look, I'm not asking for much, but just please... please for the love of God. Let her hear something from you... Let her hear your voice, you don't even have to talk to me... Just let her hear you... one sentence, just one sentence, that's all I ask. It can be anything... "I'm fine" "I'm doing good" or "I love you" anything... just stop her crying... It hurts to hear... hurts to see. I can't stand it anymore. That's it. That's all for now... Be sure to call back alright? See you."

He let a few more play out and read even more messages. It was hard to tell how much time had passed. But after what seemed like the hundredth message, Subaru glanced through blurred vision at the time in his phone and saw that it was ten minutes to five. Beside it indicated two-thirds of his battery life had gone and immediately, a surge of urgency penetrated into his head.

He wasn't even halfway done yet... There was still so much. So much more to read, to listen to. Nonetheless, he needed to stop. If he continued anymore, it may very well be the last time he'll ever hear his parents again.

Sniffling, he resigned himself to one last voicemail, skimming past text messages, dozens at a time, and picked one completely at random, bracing himself for the words he was about to hear. But what came next, he wasn't prepared for.

"Subaru?"

It was his mother. His body tensed and stiffen harder than stone, upon hearing her voice fill the sullenness night that accompanied him all this time. Apart from the second voicemail he opened, this was the only other that belonged to his mother. The rest had been from his father. It'd be an understatement to say that he had been caught off guard by this.

"Are you there? Listen, I'm sorry that I hadn't been contacting you much... You're probably really angry with me, right now. But I'm sure your father was good enough company, you two were always close, so I'm positive you weren't lonely without me."

Something was off, and Subaru knew it. Her voice felt robotic, unnatural and unusually polite. It was as if she was having a normal conversation with him. It was hard detecting any form of longing or grief in her tone, deafen or maybe muted by the casualness of her mannerisms.

"Anyway, a lot has happened since my last call. We renovated the house, painted it up a bit and we finally decided to spruce up the garden. It was all your father's idea and I can tell you this, it kept us really, really busy for months. Oh! Don't worry though! We haven't laid a single finger on your room. So, when you do come back... It'll be just as you left it."

He might have imagined it, but he could almost guarantee picking up a slight waver as she spoke her last sentence. Her deep breath afterwards, further strengthened his suspicion.

"Remember the Anime we used to watch together? Well, it just finished airing the season finale last week. The ending was good... but it was also quite sad in my opinion, your Dad liked it but I don't agree as much. Sorry if I spoiled you, but I found it quite depressing, knowing the boy could never return to his world. But at least he still has his friends in the other world to keep him company, and he looked quite happy being there. It made me wonder actually... Are you happy wherever you are? Do you also have friends there to make you smile and laugh? Did you also meet a beautiful girl, like in the Anime? Sorry, sorry... I'm rambling again. It's just... I really miss you, Subaru. I really, really do."

It was no longer just a feeling, her voice was shaking slightly more with each word. A huge intake of breath was heard again, and when she spoke, it was with great effort to continue the façade.

"Anyway, it's April First tomorrow. Normally, people would be thinking up pranks and jokes to play on each other when the time comes. But we both know what that day means to you, right Subaru? I-It's your birthday, Subaru, your birthday..."

The pretense she was trying to pass up was quickly demolished and abandoned. She was whimpering now, at the mention of his birthday, it probably was too much for her. And it was very much true for Subaru too. All this while, tears continue to river down his cheeks in tons, stifling his trembling sobs with a hand, the other mildly shaking the phone in his grasp, which continued its playback without relent.

"I don't know if your father remembered... Maybe he didn't want to remind me. But a mother never forgets. I-I prepared the ingredients. Your cake... You wanted chocolate right? Well, they didn't have it anymore at the stores I went to... So... is vanilla alright? I know it isn't what you wanted, but I promise to get you something else. A new phone, maybe? You always said how much you wanted a new phone. When you come back, we'll go looking for one, okay? Just... make sure you do come back... How long will you be gone? It's been almost a year, Subaru, how long more? How long until I can see you again? Please... at least tell me this much..."

"Not long more, mom. I'll... I'll come home, I'll see you again. I promise, please stop crying."

It felt silly to reassure an audio recording, but Subaru couldn't help himself. No amount of physical pain can ever compare to this... He spoke without thinking. He didn't even bother to question how it had been almost a year, when in reality, he had only arrived here mere months ago.

"I'll... make the cake, as usual, in the morning. But... a part of me feels that, you won't be home by then. And... You only turn eighteen once, and I will never forgive myself if you didn't hear me wish you at least. So I'll wish you now, just in case I can't do it tomorrow..."

Another large inhale was taken, and when she was heard again, a gracious melody she sang, filled with such sorrow and lost that was amplified further by the isolation he felt alone in this dark room. Though it was a song he had heard countless of times, enough so that it had become mundane throughout the years, right now, it was anything but that. He was a sobbing mess, hearing his mother sing to him, a song everybody always sings at a yearly occasion.

"Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you,  
Happy birthday to Subaru-kun. Happy birthday to you."

"Sorry if it sounded terrible. You know I can't sing a tune to save my life. But, I hope you liked it, my son. My dear, dear boy. My Subaru... I love you. I love you so, so much. Always know, that wherever you are, you'll always be in my heart, my soul. Know that I'll be always thinking of you. And as long as your are happy, I will be twice as happy as you are... Even if I can't... Even if I don't sound like it right now. Eat well... Don't mix with the wrong people... And... Stay safe. I love you."

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	7. Chapter 7 - Resolutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the weeks of Subaru's disappearance, Emilia, meanwhile, deals with the repercussions of it all.

The sky approaches the new dawn, inking its canvas of clouds with the pigment of a morning twilight. The few stars yet to vanish, sparkling with relish as they bid dusk's ascent, persisting, yet also resigning themselves to their unwanted, inevitable departure.

Underneath the succumbing stars, a lone carriage continues its trek across a broad meadow of flowers and grass, slowly swaying along with the soft gust of the nippy wind. An extravagant ostentatious design that propounded royalty, pulled along by an elegantly raised ground dragon, portraying a feat of impressive exuberance as it galloped forth on an expedition void of any howls of protest.

Inside, deprived of sleep, a half-elf leaned, facing the window. Strands of silver hair poking out to the sides, alluding to a recent experience stressful in nature, drooping lifelessly at her sides. An expression that projected gloominess, a blight on a face brimming with beauty in all sense of the word, with her violet colored eyes absent of awareness, gazing dreamily away towards the scenic greenery contrasting with the flames of the heavens above.

Yet Emilia paid little regard to this stunning view. Had she did, perhaps the somberness that had tended to her spirits all this time would have been cast aside, in favor of a peaceful serenity she had not known of for what seemed like ages. Each day continuing to instill a mindset of misery, its attempts at indoctrination proving to be quite effective in the midst of her monarchical plight.

Her elf blood only garnered her preconceived opinions and disdainful prejudice when her reason for absence was presented to the council for question. They sat there, overseeing the throne room, her standing in place before them, awaiting their conclusion as they bicker in great volumes as to whether her reason should be accepted or not.

As the gathering she had failed to attend to earlier before involved the compatibility to the Dragons and to their covenant, it was almost guaranteed her expulsion was immediate, if not for this request to appeal before the sage council, a request Roswaal himself had to painstakingly make, aided further by the fact that the mansion had failed to be notified earlier about the event due to a suspiciously lethargic messenger.

To say it went poorly, would be to extremely understate it.

She lost count at the number of insinuation directed towards her resemblance of a great evil. It took all her energy to deter them away from this subject, stating with accentuated politeness that it had nothing to do with the purpose of the meeting, however, that didn't stop the provocative mutterings they shared between themselves. Her candidacy hinges solely on their decision, and they were fully aware of the fact, taking pleasure at the unjust leverage they had against her, save for the representative of the sage council. A bearded old man with long hair, both a snowy white, whom Emilia hoped had appealed to enough to continue her role as a potential candidate.

Ultimately, she was sent away, the matter still resting unresolved, having no choice but to book a room in a nearby inn as she awaits their next summon and their final verdict, alone in the barely furbished space, with no one but Puck for company. As much as she was greatly entertained by the conversation they had, it did little in easing the pang that burrowed itself deep into her consciousness. An uninvited resident, one that arrived a little less than a month ago.

"You're thinking about Subaru again, right?" Puck had said to her after a moment's silence ended their quick chattering.

Indeed she was. Whenever she could, always she would think. No matter the stress, no matter how encumbered her predicament was, always he would find a way into her occupied thoughts, until she could think of nothing else but him forevermore. Ridden so, by a relentless guilt that clung to her closely, following their last and quite possibly, final confrontation.

Perhaps I was too harsh on him back then...

She would say to herself, again and again, unable to draw any other conclusion besides that.

No... I was too harsh...

When she closed her eyes, she could see, a dark, murky apparition of the look he had. So madden, so filled with pain, shouting himself hoarse with no restraint, desperate, deranged... His sudden outburst still continues to baffle her to this day.

Maybe if I had tried to understand him...

That was her regret. She had been too impatient with him, too angry. Thoughtless was the better word for it. Having just been beaten senseless, naturally he would have been a little dispirited, a little moody. Had she been a little more understanding, more sympathetic, perhaps none of this would have happened. He would still be by her side, energetic and lively as always, smiling at her with a fondness she couldn't fathom. Each time she would think of the latter scenario, it was as if time itself stood still, as she contemplated with solemn remorse on what could have been, instead of what was.

Nevertheless, the day's eve came, followed by a spontaneous knocking originating from the timbered door belonging to her room, halting the detrimental thoughts that riddled her idleness with great hindrance. She got up from the bed she sat, expressively curious as regards to her unknown visitor, and answered the rapping of wood.

What greeted her, was a woman of exceptional beauty. Her piercing amber eyes carrying itself with an air of discipline. Expression, lacking elation of any kind, instead stern, as if permanently etched on her oval-shaped complexion, with long, flowing emerald colored hair that rested, wavering slightly, against her back that wore an outfit befitting that of a general.

A melancholic sigh escapes her lips, closing her eyes and harkening her memories back to this assemblage between two candidates of the royal throne.

"Crusch..." She called her name, taken aback by the unexpected drop in. "What are you doing here?"

A thought then suddenly arose in her head.

"I'm not being summoned, am I? It's already so late..."

But instead of opening her mouth to speak, Crusch, defying expectations, gradually arched her body forward, bowing, with a gloved hand crossing against the sleekness of her dignified uniform. A bundle of green falling, hiding the sincere, close-eyed expression on her face.

"Forgive me of my ineptitude." She spoke too an already puzzled Emilia.

Behind the strangely apologetic, leaning figure of Crusch, Emillia noticed a figure bearing an outfit of the royal guard, with furry triangular ears protruding out atop a flaxen hued head. Hair, streaming to the sides of a face that implied reluctant resignation.

"Ferris..."

Emilia's eyes darted back and forth between the two unlikely figures she expected to find standing between her doorway, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, before finally asking, "Forgive... you? Why? And of what exactly?"

"Subaru's desertion. I am entirely to blame."

"Crusch-sama, as I've said before, Subaru's fleeing had nyathing to do with you, please raise your head already." Said a heavily disgruntled Ferris.

"No, it had everything to do with me." She insisted, her head remaining low. "It was contracted we were to care of him for the remainder of his time with us, his leaving is my responsibility."

"He left on his nyown discretion, voiding the terms of the contract."

"Be that as it may, Subaru in his state at the time was unstable, as you are well aware yourself. Naturally he will be more susceptible to hasty decisions, if I had watched him closer, been more attentive, I could have stopped him. It is my blame, the discussion ends here."

Ferris looked greatly annoyed, lips trembling with restraint words he relished to say, but as a mark of the loyalty he had towards his lady, he funneled them out in the form of a long, subdued sigh and fell silent.

Meanwhile, Emilia, who had been caught too off guard to speak, finally did so, saying with haste, "It wasn't your fault, I am to blame as well for what happened, even more so actually, than anyone else. Come, enter, and raise your head please."

They entered the room in silence, Ferris slightly reproachful in his pace as he headed towards the dreary translucent window, his eyes shining a bright gold, glowing under the fluorescent of the night sky.

Emilia mulled over with deep thought of the courteous offer to have Crusch sit by her side on the plain piece of mattress, but realized through her firm demeanor, though unuttered, expressed an intention to remain standing where she stood, facing the stationary half-elf.

"I have come to do more than just apologize actually." She said. "I'm willing to offer compensation. A compromise to our previous contract." 

Frowning, Emilia stared in continued bewilderment, speculating her of a more ulterior motive in private.

"Compensation? What do you have in mind, exactly?" Emilia asked.

"You may not know, but the loss of a follower is one I can greatly sympathize with. Even more so, when it's someone close to heart. I can see by your behavior today with the council, that you are deeply bothered by his disappearance. I understand, he displayed notable loyalty towards you during our first congregation. I too would be devastated by the loss of such strong devotion."

A snort of amusement puffed out of Ferris' nose, beneath it, manifested a slight smile in the shape of a condescending smirk, plastered across his face, laced thoroughly with contempt.

"For such unwavering loyalty, he sure was quick on abandoning his master's side." He said.

A hushed silence followed the snide remark, one that was quickly broken by Crusch, her tone quiet and strict.

"We are not here to insult our peers, Ferris. Keep your thoughts to yourself."

"Nya, I'm just saying... to proclaim yourself as a nyight like that, he really shouldn't have shown such cowardice as he had. It just goes to show how lacking his devotion actually was. A bit hypocritical, really."

"Ferris-"

"Do you hate... Subaru?" Asked Emilia, interjecting upon the beginning of what was a reprimanding spiel.

"Nyaa..." He began dubiously. "I wouldn't say I hate him. His actions are the ones that are detestable. I just think he shouldn't deserve such concern over him, well, I wouldn't be anyway."

He finished with an impassive shrug of the shoulders, proceeding to survey the desolated roads outside once more. However, his engrossment of the outdoors was quickly shifted back to Crusch, who spoke, "Well then, I must apologize to you afterwards for what I'm about to say."

She ignored the muddled, inquiring look that formed on his face trailing her ambiguously cryptic statement, and turned to Emilia whom too had an equally befuddled expression.

"As a means to redeem my negligence..." She said. "I pledge to have Ferris look for him alongside you, no matter the duration."

The astonished reaction Emilia had, couldn't compare to Ferris' own, thunderstruck beyond belief, with his mouth gaping wide open with incredulity.

"C-Crusch-sama? What do nya mean... look for him?"

The bated question was also ignored by Crusch, seeming to not have noticed the aftershock her words have instilled onto Ferris.

"With him to assist, I have no doubt a lead will surface. He's an exceptional tracker along with being a healer..."

"Crusch-sama wait-"

"Kararagi was it, he fled to? Ferris has visited the country on more than one occasion under my orders, he knows the city's whereabouts and landmarks with amazing accuracy."

"We haven't--Crus-"

Another attempt at interjection.

"Every nook, cranny, I assure you, Ferris will find him. It will only be a matter of time. When you depart, I shall also provide you with a carr-

"Crusch-sama!"

The increase in urgency momentarily muted Crusch's elaborated declaration. Ferris, now standing closely at her side, eyebrows scrunched up, gaping at her with incriminating betrayal inscribed deeply in his wide-open eyes.

"You haven't mentioned--You nyaver said I would be the compensation. We were only supposed to provide a carriage, you said--what's the meaning of this?" 

"If I had told you beforehand, you would have never agreed to be here. I have done what I've deemed was necessary, I apologize for having misplaced your trust, but it was the only way." She explained calmly, tilting her head slightly.

Emilia could only look on, as knight and master bicker, while also feeling a wave of pleasant shock purge the parasitic depression that strove to tear her apart. All those days requesting a search party, a huge sum of gold she even offered, to be rejected each and every time. Forced to rely on Beatrice, and Rem to provide the magic to sustain her... How useless she felt.

Now help was offered, instead of asked. Help arrived, not sought after. For a moment, only for a moment, the aching lessened, tension oozing away and her heart, once burdened, felt as light as a feather.

But why do this?

She looked up towards them once again, her senses rejuvenated, and found them at the end of their quick but heavy debate.

"Ferris, I understand your reluctance. But rest assured, I will be fine, Wilhelm will see to that. I only need you to do as I ask and help her... can you do that?"

"But--But....-" Ferris' eyes searched with quick darts all around for a reason to protest further, sputtering clumsily and desperately, "the royal selection! How will I nyow what's become of you? How will I support you from so far away?"

"A two-way mirror of course, I will ask the royal guard to provide four for each of us. Two for you, one for me, the other will be Emilia's. That way, you can update the both of us of your status, and you'll be able to check in at anytime to ease any worries you may have of my own well-being. So, will you do this or no?" Crusch firmly repeated the question.

Ferris unwillingness persevered, choices at war, waging a battle that resided only in his flustering thoughts, resulting in a face of overlapping expressions, staring deeply into those striking amber eyes of hers, lips thinning between conflicting decisions. An elongated noise of indecision slipped through the gaps of pursed lips, as his mulling gaze switches from Crusch's, to Emilia's, who was also staring at him with anxiety equivalent to his own, asking, almost begging.

"Fine! Alright! I'll do as you say." He exclaimed, arms in the air in conceded defeat, a sigh of resignation following soon afterwards. "I'll look for him, as much as I rather be at your side... It is your order, I'll see it through to its end."

A ghost of a smile fleetingly shot through the mask of formalities that was Crusch's, eyes glimmering with approval at his words.

"Alright then." She said, with a tone no longer strict, nor taut. "Now, Ferris, if you will?"

Ferris nodded, an imprint of displeasure still lingering, though only mildly. Taking a step forward and stopping in place where Crusch once stood, whom withdraw several steps to the side. He stared at Emilia, the both fully aware of the proceeding that was about to take place, and drew an open hand out towards her, bidding for her own.

But her hands remained motionless atop crumpled sheets. Still, perplexingly so, earning a look of bemusement from Ferris, arm still outstretched.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Well it's just..." She started, then stopped, shifting her attention to the green haired instigator of the situation, before continuing once again.

"I'm grateful, but... why are you helping me? We are rivals for the throne, and the contract has been null and voided. You have no reason to do so... In fact, my troubles should be an advantage to you along with the other candidates, shouldn't you be tending to your own business?"

For a while, no one spoke. The silence enveloping the atmosphere permeating with unsettlement. Giving Emilia precious time to grasp her spoken mishap, as she added with haste, "I am thankful, do not get me wrong, I really, truly am. I just... simply want to know why you would help me, when your time and resources would be better spent on something else."

To that, Crusch partook in a long quiet sigh, one that made noticeable the chirping of insects, lulling away the kingdom to sleep.

"Put it simply..." She finally responded. "Honor is something I revere highly above most things. It would not sit with me to have someone suffer due to my own blatant disregard. No matter the status, rival or no, It wouldn't be right of me."

"I see..." Muttered Emilia.

"Make no mistake, though." Crusch continued, lapsing back to her steely ways. "This will be all I have to offer. Anymore will fall onto deaf ears. The selection is still underway, so with the exception of this moment, you will forgive me if I resume treating you with the same indifference as I have before."

Her words came as a slight blow to Emilia's already dampened spirits, the slight ease she felt not long ago dissipating in a flash, but understood nonetheless, responding slowly with a silent nod.

"Then, with your question answered, may you raise your hand now?"

"Alright." She said, turning back towards Ferris, and clasping his hand with her own.

Immediately soon after, a warmth began to pervade, felt from all corners of the room, which too had a sudden changed of sight, blazing dimly by the radiance of colored spheres glowing with diversity, casting shadows onto the walls of three hushed figures. Streaks of orbs, blue, green, and red, trailing the unified hands, encasing them in rays of shaded light.

Illuminated by slow phasing colors, Ferris uttered in quick succession, whispering a chant audible only to him and her. Then as quickly as it had appeared, the lights vanish, plunging the room into dimly lit darkness once again.

"It's done." Announced Ferris, releasing hold of her hand and stepping back. "The contract has been made."

"Well, I suppose we're done here." Proclaimed Crusch, her steps creaking the floorboards in her march towards the door. Stopping once, with Ferris following suit, to say,

"As Ferris have said not long ago, a carriage of my own will be coming for you once your matter with the council has been resolved, transportation will be hard to come by if you were to use normal means. I shall also send Ferris to Kararagi at the earliest opportunity I can manage."

But before they could move again, however, Emilia spoke, still situated on the bed.

"There's a means of transport faster in Roswaal's mansion, Ferris should come with me, he'll be able to reach Kararagi quicker there."

Crusch raised a questioning eyebrow at her, assumably doubting the unknown means of transportation.

"Then..." She said, turning towards Ferris. "Ferris, you shall accompany her after her inquiry with the council is over."

"Nya... I understand, but if I hear the slightest bit of trouble--"

"I'll be fine." She reaffirm.

He remain unconvinced, unassailable by assurance, but submitted to her will either way. Exhaling another doleful sigh interlacing with disheartened assent.

"Till next time then, Emilia. Have a good night."

Through moonlit skies, the doorway that stood this voice's silhouette, bade a farewell of proper form. The luminous golden glow of eyes right beside it, gave a begrudging wave before closing the door behind them. Their steps, muffled, fading gradually, deafen by the other sounds of the night until finally, Emilia could hear them no more.

The carriage gave a slight jolt, trumping a rather large pebble in its path, snapping herself back to times more recent. She blinked, wondering of the eccentric darkness that suddenly befell upon the carriage. To realize, with small surprise, that a thick shadow, gargantuan, loomed over their journey, a shadow of a tree, which soared high above the clouds and beyond.

They were here... Which means....

"We're almost to Roswaal's domain, Lady Emilia." A voice called out from the front. "You can sleep you nyow? I'll wake you up when we get there."

"No it's alright, Ferris. I'm fine." She answered the voice nearing the verge of imperceptibility by the constant gusting of wind. "I still have a lot of stuff to think about..."

Ferris made a conjecture at her sleepless condition, but under the intense blowing of the breeze, it failed to reach Emilia's pointed ears.

What she said was no lie. Her mind was saturated by the events that followed their initial encounter. Two days was the time it took to solve her overblown dispute. Two long dreary days of political babble, empty threats, and unfounded accusations. A pattern that repeated in hourly intervals, a roundabout cycle with little progress being made. Again and again, monotony in every waking moment, every pointless declamation, every fruitless argument, an unmerited consequence of one missed meeting.

At the end of it all, Emilia, after much frustration, emerged victorious. All claims of removing her from the candidacy dropped on hesitatingly short notice, on the condition she never miss one again. A condition she needn't have to be told of. Yet despite all this, with paranoia, worry and doubtful distress infesting her thoughts in the times of much needed rest, constant, everlasting, it hardly felt like a victory at all.

Although she held the bested situation with immense dislike, a small part of her, a minuscule fraction of herself, felt it was all well deserved. A punishment predetermined by the choices she made, the things she said... to him.

Again, his image, a face full of agonizing suffering originating from places unknown, morbidly vivid in her ever grimful thoughts. Wondering, as her burdensome eyes stare at the morning sunrise, how well he was coping without her by her side.

\---------


	8. Chapter 8 - Stephanie's Tale

The colorless curtains glowed with a tinge of bright orange, a crack of sunlight beaming through, it's glow smearing the wooden floorboards, forming a narrow bridge of light that trailed towards two legs laying motionless, stretched out, and beyond that, a torso belonging to that of a boy, sitting against a bed slightly dampened by tears. A phone in one hand, the other lazily sprawled out onto the floor. His eyes, puffy and swollen, still wet, an unfocused gaze out the window, on a face devoid of any sort of emotion. Empty... hollow as a shell.

Subaru sat unresponsive, blinking only occasionally. Unthinking, unfeeling. Within his barren mind, evoked a recollection of a time gravely identical to the conditions of his current state. An empty husk of himself, incapable of speech, of life. Like a machine that ceased its functioning, taken apart, with all of its components missing. It was a time he tried, only to fail... an endless loop of self-destruction. All his valiant, albeit, erratic efforts, amounting up to nothing.

Nothing. A word that best describes his expertise, excelling at a field lacking in any sort of use, benefiting no one, and most usually, hurting everyone, and this one fact alone, extinguished the already dying flame inside him, snuffing the toiling embers in its wake.

Even when a faint knocking was heard, he paid little heed to the sound, even less, when the creaking of a door stirred the sullenness air to life. The footsteps shortly after, were practically inaudible to the misty-eyed Subaru.

"There you are. I thought that was your messy hair hiding behind the bed."

A voice full of energy and life, imposed upon the gloominess that had lingered on for far too long. Soft, gentle and womanly.

"Just thought I'd make sure you didn't run out on us again."

Almost in a trance, Subaru slowly turned his head to the side, looking up. A sight of bright yellow met his heavy, lifeless eyes. A nightgown belonging to a body of a woman, smiling with eyes still drowsy. Clumps of hazel brown hair, scruffy and rumpled, running down the length of her body, stopping only at her hip.

"Stephanie..." He said, voice silent and gruff.

"Good morning to you too, Subaru." She greeted him with cheer.

Subaru stared at her, unblinking. Her figure was basked by the warm glitter of sunlight, almost like a personification of the sun itself. Her eyes, kind and bright, green as a four-leaf clover in a bountiful meadow. A complexion the shape of a heart, with a smile that could cheer even the worst days in life. It was as if he was staring at a sunflower, in a season of full bloom.

His transfixed stare did not go unnoticed by Stephanie, whose lively expression quickly changed to that of concern, catching sight of his reddened eyes.

"Hey... did something happen?" She inquired, bending low, hands on her knees.

He knew that look, having been subjected to it times aplenty, each always feeling like the first. It was the worried look of a mother, uneasy for her child. The softened yet tensed expression. Eyes, care and sympathy defined clearly within, with a tone of voice that urges you to spill your troubles, knowing full well that they will understand you, no matter the circumstances.

Just seeing that, even if it was just a short glance, was enough to pull at his heartstrings, and without even realizing it, tears were already beginning to stream down his still moistened cheeks.

"S-Subaru? What happened? What's wrong?"

His hand made a futile attempt to stifle his sobs ever growing, a chocking noise emerging from the depths of his throat. He shook his head rapidly, barren of reasons to do so, as his clogged nose made an attempt at an inhale. All the while, Stephanie's bewildered, concerned expression seen just barely over distorted vision.

"I'm sorry..." He choked, red in the face and looking away. "I just--I don't know, I'm just--I'm sorry..."

He managed a trembling exhale, an effort in vain at calming his impulsive breakdown.

The resemblance to his mother was uncanny, unsettling so, to the point where he didn't know what to do or what to say to her, all he wanted to do, eternally, was apologize, over and over again, without really knowing why. He wanted to hug her tightly, and never let go, begging for absolution for everything he has done.

It was at that exact moment he realized, he wasn't numb, or apathetic, or even empty, It was the exact opposite. Every emotion he thought gone, had surreptitiously been culminating inside of him, teeming with the pain, the suffering, all threatening to overflow.

Hearing her compassionate voice merely loosened the top that sealed these feelings within. It was gone now, emotions restraint no longer in a capped bottle, flowing in the form of bitter unyielding tears, expressing raw unbridled misery, howling the guilt, the longing.

"I didn't... mean to cry, I'm sorry... so sorry. God, I sound like-- such a chicken, don't I? I'm sorry..."

"Subaru, there's nothing to be sorry about. You haven't done anything wrong. Why? What's happened? Tell me, I'll listen to anything you have to say." She said with a tone so gentle and kind, as she crouched down beside him, a hand resting reassuringly on his thigh.

It was hard to convey to her the tremendous ache pounding in his chest, capable of mustering only small words through unsteady muttering, words that were direct and blunt.

"I miss my parents."

His sorrow, now uttered, rang in the air. Traces of languished pain screaming with little cries, the craving of a sheltered love endowed exclusively by a mother and father. And Subaru knew they sounded pathetic out loud.

It reminded him of his first day in preschool, bawling his eyes out in front of the other kids, yearning for his parents to come back. And they did... to promise him everything was going to be fine, to tell him never to be afraid, and to hold him tight and assuage him of all his fears, only ever letting go when he felt safe and calm in their arms.

The memory of it bolstered a twinge in his chest, forcing his eyes to water even more, a rising lump in his throat made it harder to speak, but continued on despite his wavering voice.

"I want--I want to tell them... I-I'm sorry. But I-I can't..."

"Why can't you?" Asked Stephanie softly.

"Because I don't know how to." He said through heavy wails. "They... They're too f-far away. I can't reach them t-there... from here. I don't know how to see them, but I want to go see them... I want to go so much."

Stephanie looked on at the sad state of Subaru, mouth slightly agape, looking lost and confused. Struggling to find the perfect way to console the crying boy with so little context relayed. Slowly, breaking the lament undisturbed, she spoke very gently.

"Subaru... Kris and I... we can help you look for your parents, I'll ask friends of mine to keep a look out as well. Tell me where they are, we'll find th-"

"YOU CAN'T HELP ME!" He bellowed suddenly, a vein throbbing in his flushed face. "YOU CAN'T.... you can't... you can't help me... It's impossible."

She flinched, jolted into hurt silence, watching as he try with best effort to subside his whimpers through deep gulps of air.

"I'm... sorry, I didn't mean to... yell." He said, wiping a runny nose with a sleeve. "I miss them... that's all."

He didn't stop, he continued on, voice shaking evermore.

"I just miss... playing with--with my dad, losing to him, winning again him... it was fun... sometimes... it would end in a tie, b-but it didn't matter... we had so much fun, we didn't care. So much... we would make so much noise... neighbors would complain to my mom and... and my mom... my mom..."

The back of his eyes burned with tears, leaking down the glistening line composed solely of residual droplets. Remembering with unquantifiable regret, the things she would do that he had foolishly taken for granted.

His laundry, that would sit on his bed, neatly folded and stacked into sorted piles. His room, always coming back to it after school in pristine condition, no matter how defiled it was the day before. And the lunch boxes, dutifully placed onto the table for his taking... All those chances he had, and he never once thanked her for everything she has done for him.

"... I miss her food... she would cook so much for me, too much to even... to even finish... But I would still finish it all... because... because it just tasted so... so good... It was so nice."

He fought back with extreme difficulty, the unrelenting pain that seared with anguish at every fleeting image of her. A barrage of memories, crashing with synced emotions on a face broken into ruins.

"T-Then she would sm-smile at me as I handed her the plate... and I would smile back at her and thank her... for making me such... such a delicious meal."

He drew a large quivering breath, feeling drained of all his energy, the capsule of emotions depleted, its contents spilling, dripping on extensive space, only they were tears on once dry floorboards.

"I miss them... I want to see them again... That's all I want."

It never occurred to him how much he actually was wishing for their love, not until it was too late... A year, maybe even more now... He has been gone... How long more until they finally get over the loss... How long, until the void in their lives were patched, healing and finally forgetting.

The weeping stopped. His unearthing of this brief thought derived from his state of despair taking hold of him.

Maybe... that would actually be for the best. Once their grieving was done, it will take time, but they will be happy once again.

"You'll see them... I'll make sure of that. Just tell me Subaru, where are they? I won't rest until I find them." Said Stephanie, but Subaru did not take heed of it.

For the suffering he put them through... How could he want? How could he wish? He was undeserving of their love, of their tears, of their worries. It'd be best if he'd just stay away from them... and stay here. Suffering is all he would do, inflicting them with more of it. Just like with Emilia, just like with Rem...

"Subaru it's alright... you can talk to me. You can rely on me, I promise."

He turned towards Stephanie, meeting her cautiously benevolent eyes, and wondered how long it would take until those same eyes would be staring back at him with affliction and grief. The very thought of it, battered the accursed mentality of solitude further into his skull. The final nail that sealed his thoughts of justified isolation within.

"Why..." He began slowly, his tears halting its flow. "do you want to help me?"

For once, it was Stephanie's turn to fall silent. Blinking with narrowed eyebrows at the question.

"Because I'm worried for you obviously." She said almost impatiently. "I come into your room and here you are crying your eyes out... You want to find your parents, I understand. In fact, that's all I can understand and that's enough for me. Believe me when I say, I will help you no matter what."

"But why?" He said despairingly. "I'm useless. All I do is ask, all I do is beg... I run when things don't go my way... I cry for help when I'm lost, like I am now! I can't do anything by myself! I'm useless! My parents... they're better off without me..."

"That isn't true, Subaru." Said Stephanie, her voice softening with solemnity.

"How do you know it isn't true?!" He hissed through gritted teeth, eyebrows twitching on a face wracked so much with pain. "It's been so long for them... days, months, years for all I know! They haven't seen me in so long... They'd have given up already anyway!"

Stephanie looked on with patience, giving a surrendering sigh, shaking her head.

"Alright... you asked for it."

She shifted her position, joining Subaru on the hard wooden floor, her legs also stretching out, right beside his. She flashed an amused smile towards him, seeing his confusion and closed her eyes briefly, deep in thought, before exposing them again to the rays of orange light.

"I don't know if Kris has told you yet. Actually, I don't think he'd even want to talk about it at all to be honest. But you see, if things had turn out alright in the past, Helen would have had an older sibling with her right here, and at the tender age of ten."

The effect her words had on Subaru, seemed to be within her expectations, giving a sorrowful smile, one Subaru conceived before to be of feigned warmth, now more prominent than ever, as her gaze turn to the window, and the rising sun within it.

"Kris and I... we grew, met and married in Lugunica, and to top it all off, we even settled in its outskirts. He was a knight and I was just your regular housewife, living in a beautiful village with the kindest people you'll find anywhere. It was bliss. The air, cool and fresh. Children chasing each other left and right, mothers gossiping away over a cup of tea and fathers... well, they do whatever guys do when they're together."

She stopped for a moment, relishing the memory in private, before resuming her story once again.

"I remember exactly when it happened. It was a very chilly morning, kinda like this one. I was feeling rather sick, everything I do was completely nauseating... couldn't even clean a thing, what a lousy wife, huh? Anyway, it didn't let up during the day, so I paid a visit to the capital to see a healer. I remember him looking at me, with a big grin on his face, and I remember being confused... I also remember those words he said to me afterwards that changed my life forever, 'You're pregnant, Stephanie. Congratulations!'

"I couldn't believe my ears... my heart felt like it was going to burst. When I went home that evening, I couldn't even sit still waiting for Kris and when he finally arrived that night... oh, you should have seen the look on his face when I told him. Absolutely hilarious.

"Well, you can guess what happened next. We were excited, we were over the moon, but probably most of all, we were frightened out of our wits. We had no idea how to raise a baby and we were only in our early twenties. We felt like kids, lost in the scary world of Adulthood. But the neighbors would always come by and give their support and I will always feel more confident afterwards. It was a lot of fun too, forever guessing it's gender. Kris thought it'd be a girl, but I was leaning more towards on having a boy. But either way, I knitted more than enough clothes for either of the two. Day by day, night by night, we waited in anticipation... Eventually we decided on the names, 'Harold' for a boy and 'Helen' for a girl."

As she went on and on, her tale captivating Subaru into soundless silence, the smile she had on gradually lessen with every passing word, until finally, it had completely been discarded, abandoning the story midway through, instead substituted for an expression that was best suited on a being of extreme forlorn.

"Days turn into months... and soon I started experiencing the painful things that comes with pregnancy. Kris would tell me to stay in bed, he wanted to take a whole month off to look after me, you see... But he didn't have to, that's what I told him... I told him a friend would be more than glad to watch over me. Eventually he agreed... very reluctantly though, I can tell you. And then he was off, a few weeks assignment to escort the king to the northern province. That was a mistake of mine, wasn't it?"

Though the question came with a quick smile, Subaru felt no urge to answer it, sensing the sudden shift of tone in her voice, tensed and unwilling.

"At first, it was all fine... all was still right in the world, but that all change by the end of the second week.. It happened in the middle of the night and it took just a second, one moment everything was so peaceful, the next... all I could hear were screams and roars. When I went to look out the window, I saw... people being eaten, my friends... people I got to know, being consumed alive right in front of my eyes... A wolgarm pack broke into the town somehow, and they were eating everything they could find. The wooden doors didn't stand a chance, all of them were broken down as if they were nothing... and all I could do was watch... from a window by the front door. It was stupid of me, I know.

"I don't know... every time I think about it, I think to myself of all the things I could have done different. I could have done this or that, but I didn't... All I did was run out the door when I had the chance, waited, until they were focused on somethi--somebody else... and that's what I did, running along the road towards the capital, pushing through the chaos of people and beasts, ignoring the shouts for help, the shrilling cries of children... screaming to be saved... I ran by so many of them... and they were all staring at me... begging... I could have easily grabbed one of them with me, but I didn't..."

Strain was heard in her voice, parting only at the end of the last sentence, with enormous effort to shroud the fact with a silence that attempted to regain what little composure was left, beginning again after a deep breath.

'I ran as fast as I could, with one hand over my belly, and hoping--though I regret doing it now--that the beasts would go after the other people running alongside me. But... at that time... I was already not feeling too good, everything ached, and eventually... the other survivors were all far ahead of me... I tried calling for them to come back and help me, but... under those circumstances... who would, right?"

There were no tears, but there was remorse. A great amount of it, showing on her face, suddenly gaunt and devoid of the cheerfulness she had arrived with. Subaru felt to blame for that, guilty to have her relive such traumatizing memories. He knew where it was going and he didn't want to hear anymore... wanting to interject, to interrupt, before she breaks, but found himself lost of his voice, seeing a sense of resolution hidden beneath the mask of regret, exerting a compelling want to be left undisturbed.

"That's when I fell forward... It happened so fast, I tried to turn myself away, fall to the side, but I was... slow and I paid the price... fell flat on my stomach... and I stayed in that position for so long... realizing what had just happened. But... that wasn't the final blow. There was growling right behind me... when I heard it, I got up as fast as I could, everything below my chest hurt so much while I ran and ran and ran begging to whoever was listening that my baby would be alright. But again... I was just so slow... one of them caught up to me, and it's teeth sunk into one of my legs... Right here, see?"

She pulled up her nightgown, baring her long slender legs, and Subaru saw, right above her right heel, a disfigured patch of scarred skin, faded yet still glaringly visible. His gaze stayed frozen on the spot, only tearing away once Stephanie pulled it back down to cover the blemish.

"The pain was unbearable and it threw me off balance." She continued. "I fell again... hard on the ground. Pain was everywhere, it was almost blinding, but all I could think about was my baby... I begged and begged, hoping nothing had happened. I felt blood... trickling down my legs.. saw it join the gash on my right which was still being held by the mabeast. I knew then that I was going to die and was about to resign myself to it... but... my child needed to be safe, alive, breathing... I wanted to see that, I wanted to see Kris hold our baby in his arms...so I fought.

"I kicked it off of me, as hard as I could and it eventually let go. Then I started running again, limping more like... as that monster continues to get closer and closer to me. I thought it was going to bite me again, and I was prepared for it, prepared to go down, still fighting... but... to this day, it still continues to baffle me, but then... it just ran away... it turned and went back to the town. I didn't have time to question it, I just continued limping along...

"Eventually I was spotted by a carriage full of knights heading to town... they picked me up and brought me straight to the capital. When they saw me... they said they couldn't believe I was still alive... I was covered in blood, my clothes were dripping with it. I remember not thinking straight then, on the way there, all I kept muttering was 'Save my baby. I don't care about me, just save my child.' over and over again. Pain kept me conscious, I was screaming with it, my womb was aching so bad... I was going into labor already, in the back of a dragon-drawn carriage filled with knights who all had no idea what to do... Oh, what great timing it was..."

"But luckily... we made it in time. There was no time for preparation, they plop me down in the nearest building they could find with a bed and called a midwife and a healer. My vision was becoming so hazy... so dark. I wanted to sleep, but I knew if I did... I would never wake up again. When they arrived... they looked so shocked, so scared... I remember wanting to know how I looked to earn those faces, it frightened me, I was scared for my child... I just told them 'Please save my baby'. It took everything I had to say those words, the pain was so great, but it worked.

"I don't remember much back then. I was only aware of how deep I was breathing, I faintly recall them telling me to push, and I did. I pushed and pushed and pushed... everything hurt, I screamed my lungs out, I think the healer was trying to lessen the pain, but it hardly let up. I thought I was going to die but I kept on pushing anyway... it felt like an eternity. I was scared... scared to find out... will I hear anything? Will I see any movement? I didn't know... and some part of me... didn't want to know.

"And then... I heard crying. It was so loud... it sounded so helpless... and frightened. I opened my eyes and I saw... there, the midwife holding my baby in her arms... wrapped in a blanket. She looked at me and gave me such a happy smile, and she told me 'Congratulations, it's a boy.'"

"Everything inside of me just washed away then. The pain... the fear... the apprehension, all gone. I just... started crying. There was my Harold, moving, crying and living... I was so happy. I wanted to hold him straightaway, my arms felt so heavy but I didn't care, I reached out towards him and was about to carry him. But the healer stopped me. She had the most confused face I've ever seen. I remember her looking at me and then at the midwife, and finally at Harold. She turned so pale so quick... I immediately knew something was wrong. She said to the midwife to bring Harold to the other room right away and to call for other healers to tend to him."

"I started feeling terrified again, my heart was beating so hard in my chest. I asked her what happened, is he alright... I asked her every question I can think of. She pointed at the wound on my leg, her face stiff as a board, and told me... She found no trace of the curse that the wolgarm had inflicted on my body. There was nothing, she said. That's when I realized her worries... the curse... could have latched on to Harold instead of me, transferred over to him. She didn't say it but I knew what she meant by that... She left the room... and I was alone."

Her knees bent upwards, her hands, which were once lifelessly dormant atop the floorboards, made to hug them, nearing them inches away from an expression deflective of the smallest of elation.

"On the bed, all I did was pray... pray that he would be alright. I prayed that his life be spared. I even asked to exchange my life for his. From the other end, I could hear his crying... it was so loud. It hurt not knowing what was happening to him, and I wanted to know so bad... but I couldn't move, my body was too weak, no matter how hard I push myself to. All I could do... was wait and wait and wait..."

A deep breath.

"After about two hours, the midwife came back... with Harold in her arms. I always thought about that moment, even after ten years... it still stuck with me, and I doubt that it would ever fade away. The midwife... looked at me, from her expression, I could already tell it wasn't good. Gone was that brief joy that lasted only seconds... she said, so quietly that I could barely hear her, 'There's nothing we can do. He's too young... the curse had spread too fast, it's too late.'"

"My heart felt like it had stopped beating... I couldn't... didn't want to believe it. He looked fine to me... his little hands were poking out the pile of blankets, he wasn't crying... he was... fine. She told me... he had only a few hours left. She thought... it'd be better... if they were spent with her mother. So she... she... rest him in my arms... and-and left the room."

Her head tilted forward against her knees, and when she brought it back up again, the spot where her head lay, was noticeable darker than it had been before.

"He looked so small... and he was so light. His eyes were just like Kris', and his nose... he had mine. He was such a curious little boy... he kept grabbing my finger... tugging with my hair. I just... he looked so healthy, how could he just... just..."

She pulled a stuffy breath of air through her nose, and exhaled, quivering.

"Sorry." She said. "I'm the one who decided to tell you a story and I ended up becoming a broken mess myself. Ahh, the nerve of me..."

Another smile, small, shaped itself almost instinctively, before vanishing away, leaving behind only melancholic ruefulness in its flee.

"You don't have to continue." Said Subaru weakly, voice gruff from maintained silence.

She shook her head.

"No... let me finish. I'll be fine."

Following her improbable assurance, was a silence that made to recall memories never forgotten, carrying onwards, with her voice subdued into a mere silent whisper.

"I talked to him as much as I could, I wanted to stay with him for as long as I can. He wanted to sleep... I could see that, but... I didn't want him too. I didn't want that time to end, I couldn't help myself. He must have gotten annoyed with my pestering because he started crying again. His crying made me want to cry as well, he wanted to sleep... that's all he wanted. So I... gave a very soft 'Shhhh' and I rocked him in my arms... very gently... and sung him a lullaby I heard from my mother... I watched as he went silent... I saw his eyelids slowly, very, very, slowly begin to shut... and a second later... he went to sleep... and never woke up.

"He looked so peaceful... like he really was just sleeping, so relaxed, he was still so warm, but I knew... he was gone. I stayed there, for so long, staring at his face... I just kept thinking and thinking about all the things I'll never get to experience with him. I sat there and realized I will never... never see him smile. I will never hear him laugh... see him crawl... walk... I will never... hear him call me 'Mama'... or call Kris 'Papa', I will never hear his first words, I always wondered what they would be... I never got to say 'I love you' not even once... I forgot to... not even goodbye..."

Her voice gradually faded into the warm air of the dawn, until there was nothing left but the hushed silent, lingering with prevalent dwelling - victorious in its endeavor of enveloping the atmosphere thick with dourness. Her tale, now at its abrupt end, gently retook the quiet usurpation, conveyed with a calmness that had been lacking throughout, in a form of soft consolation.

"I tell you this... not because I wanted to make you feel guilty. Dear no, you seem to already have enough of that. I told you this, because I wanted you to know, that I know how it is like... to blame yourself."

She spoke, just as one might to a fellow survivor. Subaru could feel it, the understanding of what it is to despise oneself.

"When Harold passed away... I blamed myself, and only myself. I hated how I fled without considering to help. I hated how I was the one to survive and not my son. I hated myself for being the coward that I was.

"It never left me, you know? The guilt - it never leaves. It stays, for as long as you're alive. Always in the back of your mind. I remembered how I looked... I looked... just like how you look right now, Subaru. 'I don't deserve any love', 'It's all my fault', 'I'm better off being alone so I won't hurt anyone ever again'... sound familiar?"

It was as if a large gaping hole had been patched up inside Subaru, the seclusion that he had felt for the longest time, in this small bedroom, the walls of desolation, suddenly toppled over, letting in a presence he never knew could share the pain he thought he must suffer in silence alone.

"I won't ask what you did that filled you with so much guilt. I also won't thoughtlessly say it wasn't your fault. But understand this Subaru, sometimes, things happen, bad things happen, and even though we could have done something to fix it, and we do try, sometimes it's just too difficult to handle by ourselves... and that's when we fail... and that's when we also blame ourselves.

"We wallow in self-pity, thinking to ourselves of all the things we regret doing. But what you need to realize, Subaru... was that there was nothing else you could have done. We have to live with those regrets and keep moving on... Sure, there might be times when you want to give up... but as long as you did everything you could have done, there's absolutely nothing wrong with giving up. That doesn't make you a bad person, or undeserving of happiness or love, joy... not at all. It just means you're human, and that you can break. So don't think like that Subaru... live in the present... never get stuck in the past, or else you'll end up not moving at all."

Her smile made a grand reappearance, brighter than ever before, kind... kinder than words could ever convey. Her hand unclasped itself from her knees and reached out towards him, ruffling his hair with warm tenderness.

"As for your parents..." She said. "They will never have forgotten you. How do I know? Well, as a mother myself... the memory of my son, thought it was just a few hours, still remained with me after ten long years. I doubt anyone, especially your parents, would forget such a wonderful boy as you."

That was when, after his hair had been rumpled, he cracked a slight smile.

"I'm wonderful?" He asked.

"Sure you are." Said Stephanie. "In just two weeks, you became a brother figure for Helen, became best pals with Kris and won my motherly love. Not everyone can do that, not everyone could make us smile everyday like you do."

Subaru felt better, tremendously so. No more did languish and guilt riddle his heart, broken into pieces. Slowly, it began mending itself, piece by piece.

"You know, a part of me is actually glad this happened. You pouring yourself out to me." Said Stephanie, her gaze now a constant watch out the window. "It felt like you were holding something back from us all this time, so I'm glad I finally found out what it was."

Subaru too, began to stare at the sun rising beyond hills.

"Maybe I didn't want to indulge myself too much in your hospitality."

She shook her head, still smiling.

"What's wrong with that? Indulge, Indulge as much as you like. I don't mind. If you think you're indulging too much, then just like your pain, share it, share it with us."

\-------


	9. Chapter 9 - Kararagi Unveiled

"You sure you want me to just wait out here?"

Tresses of short grass were hastily pulverized, their grisly demise brought about by the sudden landing of feet. More met the sole end of shabby sport shoes, being scrunched about with little consideration as a pair of legs continues it march forward towards a dilapidated house.

"I'm sure, Kris. Just wait out there, don't move an inch, and I'll be back out in a jiffy." said Subaru, waving the back of his hand assuredly towards a carriage of little elegance, appearance-wise, standing idly by on a path paved with dirt.

Kris stood beside the carriage, eyeing the decrepit house with much intimidated uncertainty, his hands firmly clasping the reins of a tamed ground dragon, dragging its scaly leg across the ground with restless anticipation, scattering clouds of dust as a result of its channeling of restraint energy.

Meanwhile, the field of expansive green land remained barren of travelers and merchants, not strangely unusual, but still midly unsettling. The sun, now welcomed by the day, shone with little relent, consuming everything with its scorching rays of light. This, along with the desolation of human life, created an ambiance that Kris felt would be much better suited in an isolated cemetery.

"Don't take too long, then... it's hot out here." Kris called out after him.

Hours spent trudging down the same familiar path of dirt, entailed Subaru of even worse temperatures to come. The perspiration trickling down his brow, evoked his mind of thoughtless wonders, particularly regarding of the searing hot climate of Kararagi as it is, if it always had been this similar to the Sahara back on Earth.

Could fry an egg on the back of the cart, seriously...

Subaru stared with chiseled focus, scouring the land for more recent happenings since his departure of much befuddlement from the vicinity, but found absolutely none, excluding the drier and hotter air. His sight taken up mostly by the ruins that was once possibly a home.

The tiles on the roof, discolored into a shade of unsightly black, some missing in place, others resting in permanent residence on the ground, scattered among the tall grass that told a tale of long abandonment. A frameless window placed beside a door that stood slightly ajar, just as he had left it the day before, inviting in a shard of sunlight to plaster its light on the decaying floorboards deeper inside. A foreboding welcome back to an abode he never wanted to step back into ever again.

His feet halted their strut, inches away from the doorway that separated the soil from wood.

Time to solve this Sherlock Holmes mystery of a lifetime.

With a resolve both firm and reignited, he pushed the door wider inwards and began his thorough search through its empty walls.

Cobweb and dust were widespread in his search, only seeming to be what this decrepit building had to offer to him. The only piece of furniture being, as he turned towards it, the flimsy single bed placed off to the side of the room.

It was a strange thing to behold. This moth-eaten mattress, with its rusty metal grilles barely supporting its own weight. It was difficult to comprehend how such a feeble little object had evolved into being the current checkpoint from a death that was also just as ambiguous. For him, they were left as mysteries, ones without a trace nor clue, ones that he hoped would soon have some light shed onto it, no matter the unlikelihood of the chances.

Yet the reason why he returned here, was for a mystery that was far more simpler and within his capabilities to unmask. The sack that presumably contained the five metia he had supposedly gathered a week before.

"It's only logical it'd be in here, right?" He spoke his thoughts out loud, questing aimlessly once more in a lap around its deserted length.

Twice, then thrice, he rounded the house, envisioning a tattered old brown bag, lying drably at a corner he might have overlooked, despite having already cleanse through any possible hiding spots, including the musty darkness that was the bed's bottom.

He stood disgruntled in the middle of the room, head spinning to and fro in one last vain attempt to find a breadcrumb of a trail of the sack's location. It was soon later that Subaru was forced to arrive to the undesirable conclusion, that the only thing that resided at that moment in the barren home, was solely himself.

He sighed, reaching yet the end of another fruitless endeavor... as he always have.

"Don't mean to rush, but it's getting hotter out here! Did you find anything?!"

Kris' voice pierced through the silent melancholy that was slowly seeping within him, in time for him to narrowly slip through its clutches. There was no point sinking in despair again, especially over a lead that wasn't even a certainty to be followed, even if its the only one he had.

"Nope... nothing at all. Just a waste of time." Subaru replied loudly, slightly disheartened.

"Right. If that's all you wanted to come out here for, let's head to town. Skipping out on breakfast wasn't as painless as I thought it'd be." Kris said.

He moved again, his steps dejectedly leading him to the almost blinding light outside, creaking the floorboards in his pace. Once passed the doorway, he turned again, a last momentary glance through its crumbling, forsaken interior.

"Kron's acting restless now - suggest we get a move on if we don't want to be trampled under its legs." urged Kris, appeasing the grouchy ground dragon with light pats to its forehead.

A loud, deep grumble expelled out the dragon's snout, signalling the end of the Subaru's short return. He turned his gaze back to the carriage, and walked towards it. After a signalling nod to Kris, they began their journey back to Kararagi.

\--------

The dragon was slowed to a mere snail's pace, trudging along behind the lines of carriages that filled the bustle on the streets. It was a slow, mundane process that continued pass Kararagi's gateway and beyond.

It left Subaru, in life-threatening boredom to gaze around the giant city, watching citizens walk across the sidewalks, the air brimming with chatter and barter alike, mixing in with the shouts of drivers on the road, irritable of the jam, occasionally muffled by the many howls of complaint from ground dragons, burning in the intense heat.

A noisy ambiance, not unlike one you'd find in Tokyo today.

He smiled at the thought of this, even in a fantasy world, the daily going-ons of a lively city always remained the same. The dragon's howls, being the horns of a car. The shouting invitation of merchants, could be advertisements atop giant screens. The similarities was quite a sight to witness.

But his expression was quickly overturned, replaced instantly by bemusement, upon investigating the cause for the sudden halt their carriage took, as he fronted the road again.

A faint glimmer of red, barely visible from afar by the light of day, met his strained gaze.

"Is that... a red light?"

He kept his eyes focused, unblinking, disregarding the stinging it brought about doing so. In a flash, as if on a timer, the color of dark scarlet turned a shade of bright emerald. Subaru blinked, his mouth hanging slightly agape, and shook slightly as the carriage rumbled back to life.

"Something the matter?" asked Kris, noticing Subaru's thunderstruck expression.

The carriage's gradually pace brought them beside the colored anomaly, the blazing green burning Subaru's pupils, forcing water in his eyes. After a quick rub, he squinted and stared in struck silence at the light.

Flames of green fire, blazing with fury encased in a small transparent glass sphere, supported by a pole of quarts sticking out the sidewalk, aesthetic inscriptions running across its length. The glossy orb resting on its curvaceous top, shaped similarly to a goblet, high enough to meet his awestruck eyes.

"Kris... is that - what is that?" He asked almost breathlessly, pointing as they inch past it.

Kris' eyes briskly flicked to the ball of fire, now aflame with an intense yellow, then back to the same glow of scarlet. He faced Subaru, and blew a snort of amusement.

"Ummm... a stoplight. What else could it be?"

A silence brimful of the same puzzled awe was Subaru's initial reaction.

"What's a stoplight doing here?" He asked again, overcoming his momentary shock. Suddenly the town seem to lack the certain otherworldly mundaneness he has familiarized himself with.

"Well, the purpose of a stoplight is to bring order onto the roads. To let people cross the street, drive across intersections-"

"I know what a stoplight does." interrupted Subaru. "I want to know what the heck is it doing here."

The carriage trod on, Kris silently pondering his strange inquiry with furrowed brows. A moment soon after, he answered slowly.

"That's been there since a few months back... newly built. I don't know what you're asking actually... can you say it in another way?"

Again, Subaru wobbled in his sit as the carriage came to another standstill, facing an intersection, and right in front of them was another short pillar of the same material as the other, protruding out a sidewalk a few feet away, its orb glowing an intense fiery red. Subaru ogled it with much bafflement.

"Why - How come Lugunica doesn't have any stoplights like these in the capital?"

"Of course it doesn't. Kararagi's the only country that has these things. Most advanced in the world remember? You can thank old man Maka for that. Anyway, what's with you? You weren't this shock at all when you saw them when we first got here. You weren't even fazed."

"But I didn't even see any of these things when we left today!" exclaimed Subaru.

"That's because you were sleeping at the back, remember? Stephanie did say you hadn't slept a wink last night, its no wonder you dozed off."

The fire flickered to a dark green, hovering and swaying violently, like a bundle of leaves in a windy free fall. He quivered in place again, hearing the slight taps of Kron's hooves stomping rhythmically against the hard cobble road.

"You've seriously been rather off since I found you yesterday... You even forgot that the bathroom door sticks. How many times has it been? Thought you'd remember it by now, considering... it's a pain to keep getting the crowbar, you know."

Subaru feigned a small chuckle at the remark, but stopped short, now hushed, choosing to instead ponder this once known revelation.

Fantasy-style stoplights. Were they also based off metia from my world?

A feeling of strange unsettlement overcame him, his eyes continuing to take in the uncharted streets and structures that lead to Kris' unknown destination. Keeping a watchful eye of other unworldly devices that may be scattered about, concealed among the setting of fantasy. All the while, the clock tower, standing tall, soaring high from afar, always within sight. In time to witness a full rotation of its hands, and seconds later, hearken the tolling of a bell hidden within its walls, producing an ominous clanging noise that persisted for a full minute.

"The twelve o'clock bell huh? Guess its lunch instead of breakfast now." muttered Kris, nonchalantly swiping a fleeting gaze at the time before turning back to the road. "I'm feeling for some sushi right now, actually. How 'bout it Subaru, sushi?"

"Huh? Uhh, sure yeah, let's get some sus - SUSHI?!"

Sidewalk walkers in the vicinity turn their disrupted attention to Subaru, gazing at him with agitated eccentricity as they slowly walk by. But Subaru cared little for their unspoken judgments, disbelief once again the sole expression on his face.

"Yes Subaru, sushi... want some?" asked Kris, with slow wariness to his tone, taken aback with Subaru's reaction.

He hadn't bothered to question it, almost at once, he nodded his head, perhaps rather excessively, still half incredulous, and the other half unknown of what to feel.

"Right, to the west district it is then." said Kris, coursing the carriage to a right at an intersection, an eye observing Subaru, whom seem to be too thunderstruck to utter a word.

The route they navigated across yielded discoveries in the dozens to the point that it pained his neck to continue craning it all around. Kararagi itself, as they continue trekking in its walls, gradually lost the impression it had on Subaru, which was a giant medieval metropolis. It dressed itself to be more of a fantasized rendition of a city in the modern world. There were billboards, displaying adverts for potions and items alike, street wardens keeping guard of roads that suffered a lack of stoplights which too continued to make an appearance in almost frequent intervals.

This was without even mentioning a gargantuan building, with a length that stretched pass a block, they passed by. Subaru strongly suspected that even a shopping mall had somehow found its way to this bizarre fusion of fantasy and reality.

Unable to satiate his burning curiosity any longer, Subaru had managed to extract bits and pieces of information from Kris regarding Kararagi under the pretense of forgotten trivial knowledge.

It soon came to light that Kararagi itself, was divided into three districts. The West, North and East.

"We came from South. That's basically the capital, further down the middle is the castle. You know who lives in castles, right? Anyway, the west, where we're headed, known for its delicacies, seafood and such. No other place can replicate, only place to get sushi basically. Damn expensive, but worth it."

"Then the east? What's there?" asked Subaru, ears perk in attention.

"Where we bury the dead, religious place. Got its fair share of homes, yes, but its mainly churches dedicated to old man Maka, supposedly where he's buried as well. Folks over there would kill you if you were to even slightly joke about him. Best be careful over there."

"North?"

"Eh, place you go when you're rich. Expensive homes, expensive pubs, food - high class stuff. That's where the clock tower stands as well. Don't ask how long it took to built it that high, cause frankly, I have no idea."

Even as Subaru paid close heed to Kris' words, the clock tower lingered in his vision, protruding out the corner of his eye, as if a reminder of a world he once belonged.

\-------

Subaru plopped his feet to the ground, disembarking from the carriage and having reached their location, took a second to establish the scene that contained another piece, another semblance of the modern world.

A grand courtyard of buildings, varying in sizes, surrounded and encased the area, the ground paved with cobble, smooth stones ever so partially jutting out in place, he noted, having nearly tripped over one in a moment of unconscious strolling.

In the middle of it all, a fountain sat in place, perhaps the most noticeable structure among all others in vicinity, with having statues of splendid looking dragons, with blood-red gemstones as substitute for eyes, spewing a waterfall of water down into the expansive circular space. Around it's length, were stone benches, some already in use with its occupants, if he wasn't mistaken, leisurely reading newspapers.

"Either I'm going mad, or this world is doing its best to replicate mine... the attempt isn't cute either way, it's disturbing as hell..."

"Said something?" Kris appeared beside him, clutching a bagful of what Subaru presume to be coins.

"No, nothing, just... taking in the sights, very nostalgic sights at that."

"Nostalgic? We've been here three times before." said Kris, wearing a puzzled look.

Subaru immediately began to regret his poor choice of wording.

"Ummm yeah, uh, that makes it even more nostalgic, the food's so good here, that I yearn for it everyday, all the time really..."

Unable to stop himself, his on-the-spot explanation continued on with a sentence that he too would immediately come to rue.

"The food is good, right?"

Their eyes met in a moment of, to Subaru, uneasy, unresponsive silence. Fearing his spoken blunder might lead to more questions in abundance, particularly more to his behavior as of late.

Yet he needn't have worry, for seconds later, Kris gave a smile that expressed his wholehearted agreement.

"Yep, food is good here alright, very good. Steph, as you know, disagrees, but who cares of what she thinks? This is men food right? Sushi... delicious."

Nods were given, Subaru thanking his lucky stars that his question was perceived to be rhetoric and not genuine.

"Anyway, take a sit on one of the benches, I won't be gone too long, we came before three so the restaurant won't be that busy." said Kris, jerking his head towards a building on the left with clear glass windows that displayed seated customers along with a chef at works with a knife.

Again Subaru nodded, and walked off towards the nearest bench, repeating to himself in rapid succession: Go with the flow, you've seen bad amnesia-spy movies before, go with the flow, you know how it goes...

He found a place beside a man with a hairline in the process of receding, eyes ever so attentive on the newspaper in his hands, with an expression of complete and utter disapproval. As Subaru sat there in silence, the only sounds being the gushing of water behind him and the continuous snorts of disdain from the man, naturally his interest was piqued.

Twice, he attempted a fleeting glance, quick ones that skimmed through words dozens at a times, and somehow in that stream of words, caught one that made to stoke the flames of his curiosity even more.

"Candidate"

Possibly another election was taking place, somewhere in this vast, convoluted region of the continent, but that thought was soon stumped, when he again managed to spy a word in another quicken peek.

"Crusch"

A crushing weight was suddenly placed in his chest, his thirst to risk a fourth peek depriving him of his restraint as thoughts of snatching the paper from the man's hands began to leak into his mind.

With a rough shake of the head, he snapped himself back to common sense and breathed deeply.

Just ask him politely for the paper for a quick read, don't be a bully now Subaru. Your parents never raised you that way!

He turned his head, his mouth opening, mind fumbling for a polite greeting.

"Umm, good after-"

"Guess we can't have it all. This world's going to the dogs, seriously."

The man stood up, a loud dismal sigh made clear of his discontent, folding the paper in his hands and slinging it back onto the bench with a soft flapping of pages, and walked away, his head shaking in obvious disappointment.

Subaru watched him disappear into the crowd, unbelieving of his luck, before allowing himself to turn back toward the slightly crumpled, folded paper lying by his side. He took it with a swipe of a hand and unfolded it, hastening a read.

There were no pictures, only words, some left undecipherable, a fault of his for being too lax with his studies in the mansion, but understood the context nonetheless, and what was relayed to him, sent his blood to an uncontrolled boil. It finally clicked for him, the reason for the man's foul mood.

(HALF-ELF CONTINUES CANDIDACY FOR THE THRONE, EXPULSION REQUEST DROPPED)

(In a shocking twist of events, the Sage Council of Lugunica arrived at an unexpected conclusion to, with their consent, have the half-elf candidate, Emilia continue her role as a candidate of the Royal Throne, much to the dismay of the many citizens of the land.

Many are aware, and wary of her questionable motives and reasons of wanting to ascend to the Throne. Yet with her relation to the Jealous Witch, many would wish she be gone for good.

As a result of this event, the general public responded with a huge outcry, expressing their outrage and disapproval of the Council's decision. A source reported a small riot taking place in the Kingdom's capital. Though no casualties were reported, injuries were widespread and soon healers would flood the streets of the capital.

"The happenings of another country should not be of concern to you." as said by fellow candidate, Crusch Karsten, whom refused to comment on the matter when asked by reporter, Andre Malis.

Crowd favorite, Anastasia Hoshin of Kararagi's very own Hoshin Trading Company meanwhile, found the scene to be an amusing sight to behold...

For details of suspected foul play by the half-elf, turn to page 12)

The injustice, the unfairness, the prejudice against her. It was all coming back to him. For a moment, it felt as if he had gone back, back to the throne room of the capital, forced to bear witness, the belligerent whispers and mutters of everyone who had no idea.

No idea of her kindness, a clue of her generosity, an idea of her gentleness, nor even aware of how she too, despised the resemblance she has.

Anger was storming, flooding his veins in hot seething anger, the paper in his hands were shaking in repressed rage... but no longer. A monster had awoken in him, crying out the villainy they had painted her image in, they were desecrating it.

"What the hell did she ever do to you?!" He hissed through gritted teeth.

Still fuming, still at rage at the discrimination of it all, he flipped through a few more pages. He scanned through them. Adverts and job offers filled the majority, news regarding a masquerade ball at the kingdom, while another page held trade propositions, and dragons for sale.

He turned to another, and instantly the boiling hot anger in his veins froze.

He thought at first, it was a picture, but as he stared transfixed, his blood running icy cold, it turned to be nothing more than a mere illustration of it, of her.

"How?" He heard himself say.

Memories of times unforgotten, became relevant again, in this afternoon of forgotten revelations, but this one was an exception, he knew this one quite well. Her last words to him, seem to have a ring of truth in it, after all this time...

"Soon enough I'll disembowel everyone here"

Her hair, a waterfall of dark abyss that flow ever so gracefully downwards. A face of deadly, lustful beauty he would never soon forget, her eyes that droop, feigning an aura of gentleness, a deadly tool used to lower a prey's guard before striking, to be the last thing they'll see before the slow, painful embrace of death. Something he knew all to well...

"Till then, take good care of your bowels"

For staring ever so calmly, ever so mischievously, wearing the same haunting smile, was Elsa Granhiert.

And under the drawing of such detailed realism, in bold black captions was...

(The Bowel Hunter

STILL AT LARGE

ARMED AND DANGEROUS. LAST SIGHTED IN THE EAST PREFECTURE OF KARARAGI. IF FOUND, REPORT IMMEDIATELY TO GUARDS POSTED IN YOUR AREA.)


	10. The Painful Feeling Called Love

Through the thick blood-red linen drapes, pierced the last hour of sunlight. The curtains glowed, as if set ablaze, permitting only the smallest fracture of light to illuminate a scene beyond the crimson veil.

The sound of clattering metal, as it fell and clanged onto the polished wooden floorboards. A loud thump followed like an echo, as well as the horrible sound of shattering china.

Emerging underneath even the smallest pieces of slivered glass, the dark texture of tea dribbled ever so gradually around, seeping into the carpet beside it. Smudging it's lavish design with a distasteful shade of dark brown.

Thankfully, the hallway that held this unprecedented blunder was barren of the other sole occupants living in the once, noisy mansion.

Realizing this, Rem, exhaled a great sigh of relief.

The gleaming metal platter in her hands she gently placed beside her, adjacent to a small teaspoon jumbled by the fall. With care, and with quicken pace, she began picking the pieces of white. Ridding the evidence of a slight mishap with unnecessary haste.

To the platter they went, chinking and clunking with every new piece placed atop another.

The repeated steps she took began to show their challenge, under the weary condition she was in the effect of. Her hand slowed in the process, and felt as if an intense weight immobilized her arm outstretched.

Undaunted, she took a breath, large, slow.

Her mind once cluttered, was stamped of everything, a total blank. Nothing became the only thing she was aware of, darkness enveloping her in that one moment of attempted easement, her head swayed and she felt the weight of it, eyes snapping back again into reality, in time to stop herself from collapsing forward. Mind, now aching and pounding more than ever before.

A finger stung, then something trickled downwards.

Another sigh she exhaled, with gloom as opposed to relief, examining the consequence of a risk carelessly took, the bead of scarlet on her fingertip growing in size.

It was a ridiculous thing to have happened, she thought to herself. Only a moron would fail and prick themselves at the simple task of picking up shattered glass. Only then, with a pang of unbearable pain that had nothing to do with cuts, did she visualize, a certain someone else making the same mistake she had, perhaps even, multiple times over.

"Rem?"

With her name called, her body stiffen harder than stone.

"I thought I heard the sound of a cup breaking..."

Still on bent knees, Rem turned slightly back, her bloodied finger hidden in a crumpled fist, to see as she had already known, the owner of the soft, inquiring voice.

Ram stood rooted, the scene she had come to witness still in the process of solving only for a moment, until quick realization dawned on her face, which then turned to worry.

"It was you..."

Rem did not answer, the only sign of having heard, was turning back to resume collecting the remaining fragments with the uninjured hand.

"Is she still taking from you?" asked Ram, inching closer to her sister. "I had thought it was unneeded now. Why are you still letting her?"

It was hard to maintain focus. Fatigue nearing the verge of consuming what little energy she still kept reserve. Her words too, which were only aggravating to hear, only served to worsen her already battered spirits.

"I'm fine. She had already refrain from taking anymore. This is nothing to fret over. I've merely been lost in thought."

Simply mustering the words to be said in an unconcern manner, stole already what little she had left of herself, but by some luck, managed it successfully. It was with dread that she realize only more questions would come following her assurance, yet strangely, only silence came to greet her.

She gave a quick, surreptitious glance back and saw Ram's face in deep, silent contemplation. But what thought she was tending to, Rem did not know, nor did she want to know. Slightly uneasy, her own attention was reverted back to the last few pieces that remained.

"Rem..." Ram called a quick moment after. The sudden apprehension in tone brought suspicion and wonder to the blue-haired maid, and halted her movement, listening with head turned slightly, to hearken the words that followed, "... please stand up."

There was no escaping.

Yet, the weakness, feeble though her body was, it was worth a chance. Anything to better conceal the absolute exhaustion her body was howling with.

"Stand, Rem. Unless, you find the task too demanding of yourself to act upon..."

The last shard held loosely in her hand drained of color, rested again on the floorboard as her hand softly, with mustered energy, pushed against her thigh. This in turn, spawned another movement of her body, hunched forward seconds before, now straighten, strenuous effort being the sole depended to maintain the posture. Slowly, she rose, a leg, then another. Deep heavy breathing hiding beneath fast quiet gasps of air, until finally, she was standing straight, still and firm.

Only in appearance however, the grim actuality of it gripped her mind the moment she stood. It was if the heavy pounding in her head that she so had bared with ceased its spreeing, but what came in its place was a feeling of feathery lightness that tingled the mind. Yet if the fragile facade convinced Ram that she was in good health after all, she would endure anything to come, be it even the worst of it all.

This thought abruptly stop all others that were to come, in the next moment, her legs lacked receptivity, as if her nerves no longer were present. At the same time, all sense of self faded and a loud moan of discomfort escaped her lips agape, then her sight of the orange-lighted hallway, which too was already fading, entered an abyss of white inky void.

A loud thud came, one she was barely aware of hearing, an echo of it shot, audibly muffled, perhaps a cannon fired deep within hills? No, it was a silly thought to have... or maybe a dream? She didn't have a clue. Everything perceived, only came to her as a haze of cloudy white. The understanding she derived from this was that she was very tired.

A pleasant idea quickly joined the fray of thoughts disarrayed, one that brought with it a soothing calm somehow, a simple idea of a quick nap underneath the stars. That would be nice to partake in, to indulge in the cool breeze of dusk, awaiting with an aura of calm serenity, the arrival of the first white dots painting the skies. And maybe... perhaps the experience of it, would be further enhanced accompanied. To chatter, exchange laughs, it would be splendid thing to do.

Yet who is best suited, most yearned to slumber beside with?

Instinct honed by age suggested Ram. But with the image of the two of them gazing upon the starry night, she felt no satisfaction whatsoever by the thought. It was too simple, mundane and also very much familiar. No... it was someone else she craved to be with.

She already knew, always known. The boy, lax and carefree, hands strong and firm, yet somehow very gentle and light in hers. Childish, stubborn, and also very, very loud. The few things out of a million that she had come to cherish. Simply by uttering his name, she felt happy doing so, just simply to address him, call for him... the way it felt so natural, so pleasant to do. The name she had come to love above all else.

"Subaru-kun"

\----------------

It was infuriating to hear.

Almost unbearable if at all.

Had she not been the one to console her in her time of unnecessary grief? Been the sole of voice of comfort and reason, when no others were?

So why?

The thought provoked a huge wave of irritation to drive through her. Ram, whom sat beside the bed, teeth in clenched aggravation, her eyes watchful of her sister, unconscious, immobile, yet breathing hard, chest rising and falling with strained effort.

Beads of sweat came trickling down the strands of her hair, which were damp, and stuck to her wet skin.

Why?

Ram was unable to comprehend, as she moved with bitterness to wipe the droplets of perspiration, feeling as she did, the blazing feverish hotness against her forehead. Always with the same care and tenderness, she moped Rem's face, now temporarily dormant of any form of acted deception.

How could she ever think she could hide it from her?

That too she didn't understand. All through life, who had been there? Certainly not him....

Why then?

She had done wiping, the cold wet cloth in her hands, now hung damply on the curved edges on a pail of icy water by her feet. The bedroom they were in, their own, illuminated by an oil lamp atop a drawer, the lone combatant against the darkness of the night. It had only been an hour since she had collapsed in the hallway, yet in spite of this, time itself would not hurry, as if deciding it best to halt its flow on the world, to stretch on forevermore, so that she could stay and ponder in deep utter resentment, the question that befuddled her for so long...

"Why do you still call for him?"

The inquiry she had spoken, words platted with the frustration of days, the confusion of weeks gone by, were wasted. The answer bestowed on her was only the silence, and the deep heavy breathing of slumber.

It was enough, she, everyone, Rem especially, has had enough. It was time to stop. No more should she suffer, always in agonizing discomfort, over something so stupid.

There was a sound of loud hurried scraping, the feet of wooden chair dragged against floorboards, and brisked footsteps. The click of a handle sinking downwards followed by the squeaking of hinges. Finally, what trailed the sounds that pestered the nightly silence, was a door, swinging to close, leaving the room with a presence of only one.

Door after door, floors, above and below, tenacity surging her forward in urgent pace. No amount of empty rooms will falter Ram's resolve, she will find her, and she will make her stop.

Endless, unceasing, each step to a hallway unchecked, a door unopened, only tended more to her anger, rising to limits rarely reached, expelling, and shown in the loud stomps of heels on the floorboards, the echoing slam of a door empty of life.

She needn't have worried of disruption or reprimands to her loud ruckus. Roswaal himself had stepped out, enigmatic in his reason for doing so, while Emilia, though almost as impotent as Rem, has chosen to keep her return brief, leaving for the ever draining task of gaining sympathizers to her cause, unfeasible as it may be.

Another room empty, another door closed. By nature, Ram knew her searches were narrowed to one last corridor and hurried towards it. Having reached it, she gave the fleetest thought to the outline of doors by the sides, as one of them of course, belonged to him, if only temporary.

The closest she opened, held nothing of interest, and swung it to a close. A few steps forwards guided her to the next, which too contained the littlest to acknowledge. The third, only then did she discover something to be heeded.

Voices, rapid and swift, for the quickest moment, before it was snuffed, and the silence of crickets came once more. Her hand at once found the handle, gripping it with much force and swung, eyes ready to meet, vexed, malevolent words at ready relishing to now utter.

A room vacant, unfurnished came to greet her. Dust sprinkled around the carpet-less floor, and the tall high-glass windows, fogged with neglect. The night barely translucent through. Her face betrayed her anger, subtle confusion passing by, before rage regain its footing, the door slammed with another reverberating clap across the dark hall, as she turned behind to face the only door that remained, his own.

Patience running dangerously thin, she plunged herself towards it, barely a walk, a hand on the handle, hesitancy practically nonexistent, the door thudded before swinging wide open with a sudden bashing from her shoulder. The handle slipped from her fingers, and she stepped forward, heels clacking on the granite-checkered floor, shelves brimming with the knowledge of thousands at the corner of her enraged vision, but there was only one thing she was there for.

"I thought the other one was bringing the tea? A bit late as well, but better late than never, I suppose."

Beatrice sat, indifferent, her eyes lazily at watch of Ram marching with expressive ill-intent on her face.

"You were suppose to stop! Finish! Wasn't that the orders Emilia-sama has given to you?!" Ram shouted with fury, both fists gripped tightly by her side under much needed self-restraint.

"I had stopped searching for her, as ordered." said Beatrice, glutted, her head tilting to rest on an arm. "I'm searching under the request of someone else, as you may have known already, I suppose."

"I order you to stop."

"And who are you to stop me? If your sister has no qualms about it, who are you to stop her?" Beatrice asked, ever stoic, ever passive.

"An hour ago, Rem collapsed. A finger was cut, her temperature was high, and her voice was strained. You have taken too much, too fast... why?"

"I had a hunch." answered Beatrice.

"A hunch?"

"I had a sudden thought of where that boy might be. Naturally, to pinpoint an exact location requires tremendous mana to achieve."

Ram stood in utter silence, fury was still present, but something else joined the barrage of stored rage - disbelief. It puzzled her, at lost at any semblance of answer. Rem had struggled, feigned ignorance of struggle, fainted of sheer fatigue, over a mere hunch?

"Have you found him then?" She asked finally, when no other words would come.

"No."

Blunt were her words, void of remorse, or concern of the repercussion of her doing. It further irked Ram, and the anger within convulsed, as did her hand, involuntary jerking in hostility, barely foiled by another act of great self-restraint. However the action did not go unperceived by Beatrice, whom raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Surely your intent wasn't to attack me, was it? To stop me from further taking, I suppose?"

"You will kill her if this persist." She growled, then finally all restraint had unleashed. "A month I had to put up with this stupid futile act! To see her heave and pant over the simplest of things! Toss and turn in the night, barely eating in the day! All for - for - that stupid, worthless, undeserving scum of the earth! Over and over I had told her to forget! To move on! Then I see her, sneaking out the room, to see you. To talk about him, discuss about him... as if - as if - her life depended on such... such trash!

"And you expect me to stand idly by and watch her destroy herself?! Try! Beatrice-sama, try! Try for some sympathy, if you truly know what's best for her, and if you know her suffering, then you will stop this foolishness! As you should have long ago!"

She heaved, eyes piercing like daggers, enough to tremble any normal being to submission. There was more left to say, countless, an infinite rant of rage that brink to the tip of her tongue.

"Why do you persist? Why do you do as Rem says?! What has she promised you?!"

"There's no gain... I've merely agreed. Her begging had just tired me, I suppose." Beatrice responded, drawling a slight yawn, which further irritated Ram. "You seem to be mistaken on something. I do not take in excess unless needed, it is her condition that I must abide by... to be searching every waking moment, I do not take enough to kill her. To exhaust her however... she too was fine with it if it should occur."

Incredulity rippled across the glaring expression on her face, shock too came blowing through, and her mouth hung opened, bafflement was apparent, her hands rose, clutching her hair in almost crazed frenzy.

"Why?! Why would she go so far for him?! What had taken her, delusion her, to this brink of self destruction?! Tell me please! I don't know!"

Her rosy eyes met Beatrice's again, but looked onward no longer with disdain, hatred had quickly vanish, swept and overwhelmed by a look slowly taking form, fearful and desperate.

"I too had told her the futility of the task presented, multiple times in fact, yet despite this, I continue to fall on deaf ears..."

"I beg of you..." Ram spoke, her voice was soft, smothered to a whisper, a pleading tone laced in her words. "...do not continue, please... for her sake. Stop. I'll do anything."

Beatrice rose another eyebrow, and took a moment to consider the maid, drained of the relentless energy that brimmed every inch of her demeanor moments before.

"And what would you have me do, I suppose?"

The pleading aura remained stagnant, to stay and take hold, shaping the words she would speak next, "Anything you can, I don't care what it is that needs to be done. Just sever the connection you have... stop, no more... search no longer... please..."

Their eyes met in the briefest moment, glances exchanged, silence to occupy each other, as a moment's consideration happened. To unravel what thought hid beneath the tough mask of impassiveness was impossible to have done, yet it seemed, Ram had caught a flicker of indecision flurrying within her captivating patterned-like pupils.

Then, a hoarse voice, strangled and gruff, had them breaking tensed contact, familiar softness amidst, unsuspecting to the two.

"Do not stop."

Beatrice first to witness, reacted with arched brows, whereas Ram had turned sideways, disbelief coupling with the varied emotions changing ever so swiftly, and briefly thought if her eyes betrayed her sight, for the one who spoke, body hunched and barely upright, breathing mouthfuls of air, was none other than Rem.

"Do not... you will not."

Pale was her skin, but some color had return, and so had little of her sapped energy, walking slowly towards them, wheezing at every step, with a pace absent of the grace and formality that had always been second nature.

The sight of it, combined with the words she had spoken to Ram, was nothing short of appalling. In motionless view, unbelieving, Ram unknowing of answer, her lips at a stutter of words missing. Beatrice meanwhile, had chosen silence, as if intending to fade into the background, a lifeless object blended into the setting not to be acknowledged.

"I will not let you stop this... Nee-sama, leave it be please, it does not concern you in the slightest." said Rem, mere meters away from her sister, halting.

"Does not concern me?" Ram reiterated, voice barely a whisper, and looked at her, gazes locking. The words stung, piercing a heart that had gone heavy, staring with forsaking incrimination in her eyes.

"How could this not concern me? Rem, how could it not? You're my sister, my little sister Rem... the one I love the most. You can't expect me to allow this to continue, do you? What this is... what you've thought right... it isn't... it's foolish."

"It is not."

The certainty in which Rem had on her words, as if reciting a fact that can never disputed, lead to another shock loss for words, and Ram stared with the addressing of a stranger unbeknownst to her. Another tense silence came, an interval of regained voices, and Ram spoke again, cautious but firm.

"It is, Rem. You regret a decision he has made himself. You've blamed yourself for a choice that you've never made. Ever since that day, when you came back alone and in tears... You've delusion yourself into thinking this way. You're irrational, erratic... lifeless in your duty, as if not really living anymore. You've allowed yourself to think that you're life has no meaning unless... unless he is by your side."

Rem hadn't interjected or deterred her in any way, staring mutely, neither confirming nor denying the claim.

"But you're wrong, Rem. You can still live. I am by your side, I am still here, with you. Emilia-sama, Roswaal-sama, even Beatrice-sama, we are all still here for you."

She took a step forward, her voice having found strength again, and continued once more.

"That day in the forest when we came to save you... I know you've taken a liking to him, I've seen it in the way you've looked at him. In some ways, I was fine with it. If it made you happy, if you found joy by his side... what right did I have to forbid such a thing? But now, after what he has done... after what he has put you through, I have nothing left for him but hatred and disgust... and you should feel the same! What you feel for him, isn't what you think. It isn't love, Rem. You're obsessed with, not him, but the idea of him..."

"Obsessed with the thought that he will return, obsessed with the idea that your feelings with be requited... Obsessed with the thought that you are infatuated with him when you really aren't! You aren't, Rem! You've merely made yourself think you are and it has made you act the way you do!"

Her words that she shouted, were magnified to an almost unbearable degree, bouncing across the walls and shelves of the gargantuan room, stripping the anger from her words to reveal the desperation so plainly within, only for a discomforting silence to follow after... along with sentences riddled with plea.

"Open your eyes, Rem... See that what you are doing is no different than self-torture! See what I see, a woman, so beautiful and kind... gentle, calm - suddenly becoming with frightening pace, a shadow of her former self. Rem think for one moment! If it were me, if I've done what you've done now, edging on the brink of insanity... would you have permitted it? Would you have let me have my way and continue torturing myself to limitless ends? Would you be fine, unconcern of my actions, if I were put in your position? Would you?"

It proved a tough task to deduce Rem's thoughts within. Her face was tensed, strain - trickles of sweat flowing ever so often downwards, droplets hanging from a clenched jaw, with lips a thin line across, as if to leave the question without the following of an answer. Yet her eyes continue to stare a piercing blue, at a face strikingly mirroring hers in ways beyond physical resemblance, of a time when she too was at a desperate plea...

"I wouldn't...." Rem responded faintly.

The soft submissive way her words were conveyed, was shown equally in the softening of Ram's own expression. She moved slowly towards her sister, warmth told by the tender way her hands met and held Rem's shoulder, aiming to console, to assure.

"I know you wouldn't... you couldn't. I know you, and you know me. You know I would do anything to keep you from harm, as you would for me. It is time, Rem. This needs to stop... you understand this now, right?"

A slight but distinct nod came, although, their eyes had not met.

"Tell her then. Tell Beatrice-sama to stop searching-"

"I can't do that." said Rem.

Interjected, and very much in surprise, silence gave Ram time to overcome her shock and shortly after, asked with breathless words, "Why can't you?"

Their gazes locked again, and Ram saw, lying beneath her eyes usurped of energy, a resolve sourcing from the unfathomable. In the briefness of tense silence, intentions quickly came to be realized, and Ram finally knew that no matter what's to be said or done, her sister would never let this go.

"That was cruel of you to say, Nee-sama."

Plastered with her words, bluntly conveyed, was sadness. Unsettled and baffled, Ram hastened to loosen the hold on her shoulders, confusingly inquiring as she did.

"What are you talking about, Rem?"

"It must have been easy to do, was it not? To quickly play off what I feel as an obsession. How fast you've arrived to a conclusion I've been agonizing over all this time."

Pretense and facades were no longer present to speak the words she spoke, it was real, very real... and Ram knew that.

"How could you think you know so much about something you know so little about? How could you possibly think that a reason like obsession could explain all the feelings I hold so dear to me? You might be ready to accept your reasoning... but do not think I will be so ready to believe in that, especially when I already know what my feelings are..."

"Rem, you're in denial! Listen to yourself! This is exactly what I mean! You are obsessed!"

"Obsession was it, when I return here instead of going with him?!" retaliated Rem, voice a hoarse shout reverberating across the room. "Obsession, when I tend to my duties without fail, obey orders without a word, and done what I've always done?! I could have left at anytime, I could have gone without a letter, searching for him... but in the end, I decided to stay! Because I know what it would have been like for you have I done so!"

Sweat trickled and persisted, dripping onto the tiled floor, a vent of the rage culminated, fury and strain both showed by in the pause of heavy breathing. The two stared, each with malice and resentment, an aura of hostility permeating every inch of space between them.

"If you know what I feel all too well, then explain. Explain the unbearable aching in my heart when a memory of him flickers past. Explain why I find myself always on the verge of tears when I remember the words he has said to me. Tell me! Tell me please... what is this painful feeling called?!"

A long almost everlasting silence came rushing past, a moment of collected breath, dissipating echoes laced with emotions, and words that could never be returned.

"What will you have..." muttered Ram, unknowing of the intention to her words anymore. "What will you have, Rem, when all is said and done? What's there to gain, once you've lost everything in this infatuation of yours? When Emilia-sama, Roswaal-sama, and I are no longer there for you, who will be in the end? What will you have after all this Rem? What will you have?"

There was no uncertainty, nor a moment of faltering hesitancy. Almost at once it seemed, Rem had already found an answer to give definitively, both with trust, and faith in her words...

"I'll have Subaru-kun."

Nothing more was left to be said or done. Rem had given her answer, her resolve. To speak again, would be to fight. But why fight, Ram thought, when the battle has already been lost? It seemed everything she had done was pointless after all.

For the last time, Ram stared at her sister, and saw again, the same determination, tenacity and resolve she had tried her absolute best to falter, to break... before, with quicken pace, walking away. Past Rem, towards the single wooden door, and with an echoing shut, away from the library, leaving behind an argument that she would never, in her life, forget.


End file.
